:: Just Velviie ::

:: Success ::

2008-12-31T08:44:00.001+08:00

How do you define success in life? What is the KPI?
Your own KPI, society's KPI or the KPI within your circle of friends?

:: Singapore or UK? Singapore. ::

2008-07-22T10:46:00.005+08:00

The plan was to decide whether we will remain in sunny Singapore or return back to the gloomy skies of UK when both of us come back here in Singapore for our wedding. Well, it didn't take long for him to decide to stay put in this small island while I'm still half-hearted about the decision.

There are pros and cons about the 2 countries. The main reason for his decision to remain here is.....none other than me. He figured out that I would be happier here coz that's where my family and friends are and these people are important to me. These are also the ones that remind me of my existence in this world.

Having said that, I simply do not wish I am the reason that could possibly destroy the rare opportunities he may have in UK. I could deal with living by ourselves in UK. I do feel sufficient if its just the two of us. After all, the plan is to save as much as possible should we choose to stay in UK. For the same amount of money earned in pounds, you could be doing a part-time job whereas in Singapore, you might be slogging your arse off.

Or maybe... just maybe... I am too used to doing nothing for now? The idea of going back to a desk-bound 9-5 job and joining all the other rats in the race in Singapore just do not appeal to me. Maybe I'm in denial. I wish I could have my earning power back yet not slogging my precious life away. WORK-LIFE BALANCE damnit! Can Singapore really achieve that?

:: back!! ::

2008-06-25T10:36:00.001+08:00

It feels good to be back!!!! Enough said!!!!

But the weather not so welcoming though...its hot and sticky!!!

:: a fairytale?? ::

2008-05-20T01:07:00.005+08:00

I was watching the movie "Music and Lyrics" again that was showing on SKY movies channel this afternoon. One phrase in the show struck me. "...you always have this fairytale in your head and when it doesn't happen, you can't deal with it..." Something along that line. I think I'm also such a person. I like to dream and I always dream the most perfect fairytale. I like to paint a wonderful picture of everything that surrounds me. I wanted to be that someone, to have that something, etc etc... But the truth is... You don't always get what you dream about. And I can't deal with that. Of course, you would continue to strive towards that dream of yours but sometimes its just beyond your capacity. And then you start settling for second best? Now... that doesn't sound right. I think one should not settle for second best. It's All or Nothing...isn't it?

I always dreamt to have a beautiful wedding...a fairytale wedding. I think that's one of the most defining moments of one's life. The start of a brand new chapter, a new beginning of another exciting life together. But that's the extent to what I dream about. I don't have details about how beautiful my wedding would be. It will just be b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. Something that's beyond words, beyond any description. It is just a feeling, you know it when it comes. How silly isn't it?

When all the wedding preparation started, I began to think hard of what I want... What's in the fairytale that I have been dreaming about? It didn't drop from the sky. I bought magazines and checked the internet for references. Everything in the magazines looks so fabulous but sadly you can't put everything together!! It would really look hideous wouldn't it? Its tough to make such decisions! And then it slowly comes together piece by piece.

I'm not joking when I say I had several nightmares of the wedding. I don't know why but I guess I was too stressed and worried too much that things would not run smoothly. It's just the mild perfectionist in me. But there was one nightmare that made me pretty happy. In it, everything was chaotic except for one thing - my hair! It was beautiful! And you know who styled it? My dearest grandma! This particular nightmare made me smile. When my sis and I were young, she was the one who always styled our hair to make us look like princesses, be it ponytails, plaits or buns. I miss her so much...and wish she was still around to witness my wedding. I guess she's in a better place now...perhaps she has a better view of all of us from up above. :p

:: Am i missing out or are you missing out? ::

2008-05-06T21:59:00.004+08:00

As what the title of this entry clearly spells out, I wonder if I'm missing out stuff in Singapore or my family and friends are missing out stuff here, especially there's alot of going-on with the wedding preparation.

No doubt I'm not surrounded by the oh-so familiar people and environment, but I realised it is sufficient for me, with him just by my side. It has been a great time, slowly discovering each other queer queer living habits. Pointing it out loud to each other and promising to compromise to make us more comfortable...has been rather easy. Oh wait, i think i'm the one complaining the most. keke. He does not have much complaints. Hmm...I think i'm too good for him to make noise? lol. Nah, he's just very easy going and take things at his stride. Seldom does he get angry at all. But when he does get a little agitated (coz I like to push my luck), I'll chicken out. I know I'm pushing it. And then when i asked if he is angry with me, he's never said he was. The most i get from him was "mildly irritated" according to him.

Well, I guess after what he has been through in his past, he has learned to control his emotions TOO well. He learned not to get angry but when he really does, he roars, which, according to him has never really happened in recent years. He learned not to dwell in his emotions too much just in case he falls back to that state again if he is not careful. Hence, he is very cautious with his emotions.

He may seem nonchalant on the outside at times (and often misunderstood, oops!), but he is going through a lot in his mind. I didn't really find out until one day I was really pissed coz there's so much wedding preparation to do and I didn't really see him doing anything. So that was the first time i raised my voice at him. He listened to whatever I said and agreed to do whatever I wanted him to do. I thought it finally got through his head. But I looked at him quietly for a minute. I felt as though I have wronged him. So I asked him to speak up. Well, I found that that he just works differently from me. But that doesn't mean he's not working on it. So why doesn't he speak up and tell me that I've misunderstood him? I guess he just wants to make me happy by doing things MY way. I'm a little tyrant eh? >.<

On a side note, it just amazed me how I find 24 hours a day is just not enough. I think I'm working towards to becoming a successful professional bummer! I find each day passes so quickly even when I'm not doing anything!! Okay, i admit for the past week i have been hooked on my game. And the reason why I am writing this blog entry is because it is server maintenance day every Tuesday and this means i can't play until evening!! I want to level my character quickly so i can play with my friends at the same level. It has now become an addiction. Helllppp!!!

Of course, from time to time, what also keeps me busy is the wedding preparation. From sending emails to my bridesmaids to fitting the gowns to finding good deals from suppliers, discussing on the collaterals and finding on-site locations for photo shoots. There's a lotsa stuff to do! It is at times like this you wish you have your family and friends around to share your happiness and fun and giving you their honest opinions while making all these preps.

Thankfully, Jenn was here for a couple of days, I was able to indulge in those moments for a while. She has been a great help, my moral supporter, my trusted confidante, even when she's far far away...flying across different countries every now and then. I appreciate that and couldn't be more thankful. (just as i finished writing, Jenn said she might be coming to visit again!! yay!! my sweetheart!!)

:: UK ::

2008-04-02T02:18:00.006+08:00

Hello!!

Greetings from the United Kingdom!

I have been here for only slightly more than a month. And I'm slowly settling in.
Things have been fine so far, and I'm glad it turns out pretty well. That is to say, no major arguments or quarrels, or any other weird things I thought I have to put up coz we're living under the same roof.

In case u all are wondering, I wasn't really shaking my legs here in UK. I was rather busy you know! Ya ya ya, i know you all must be wondering, just what on god's green earth am i busy with? Well, here's a quick summary of what I had been doing for the past month.

1st week: The first days were spent cleaning the room, re-arranging the furniture,
bought more racks for my clothes, unpacking my luggages, and not forgetting
trying to adjust to the time zone. My friends and family would be flying
over in a weeks' time so I was also busy with researching on places to go,
booking tickets, settling logistics. My folks and I would be going to prague
and so I had to research more on that and since it is a free and easy thing,
I had to provide my folks with the information on the places we are gonna
visit in CHINESE.

4 days later: Daniel and friend came over from Frankfurt. It was really nice of them
to fly up to visit me and I'm glad to have made a new friend! We toured
around London, and simply hang around at home.

We had barbeque one night at our backyard. The weather was cold
especially when the sun sets! The place was made warmer by this fire pit
in the middle of the table. It was nice and cosy. We ate, drink and did
some catching up with one another. We even had a surprise birthday cake
(baked by me and Krumbs!) for Jason! Love the smile on someone's face
when he/she was given a surprise!! Priceless!

And then we played some games and had more drinks till Jason konked out.
kekeke!

2 days later: My folks, sis and cousin flew over from Singapore for about 1.5 weeks.
I showed them around the house, my home in UK for now. Though Bran and
my folks can't communicate fluently coz my folks can't speak English
well, they got along fine! I remembered one night Bran came home a
little tipsy from his regular pub drinks, he kept talking to my dad
about german language as Bran knows a little German. It was a funny
scene coz it seems like one was teaching the other German when they both
don't understand each other. And my dad was trapped coz everyone wasn't
around and he can't possibly stand up and leave Bran there in the middle
of a conversation. Ha.

We toured London too. It was not a very comfortable experience coz it
was bloody cold with strong winds! I pitied my dad, sis and cousin who
had to brave the cold and wind while sitting on the open top of The Big
Bus Sightseeing Tour around London.

Then, off we went to Prague for 3 days. We (excluding my mum coz she
prefers sceneries) were awed by the historical buildings especially the
Saint Vitus Cathedral sitting on top of the Prague Castle. The
historical architecture all around the city is what makes it unique.
When walking around the city, an ancient feel seems to be still
lingering around. You could imagine how it was like a few hundred
years ago...

The experience in Prague could have been way better if not for the fact
that my dad was pick-pocketed on the very next morning. He lost his
wallet and 2 of our passports. I was so angry and you can hear me
cursing and swearing on the tram. Well, i guessed it can't helped
especially when we were already targeted right at the beginning at the
tram stop. 3 big guys followed us up to the tram and tried to sandwich
my dad. My sis immediately felt something was wrong and quickly took the
bag which my dad was holding and turned her back away. My dad was still
in between them when one pretended to be friendly and offered to help us
to stamp the tickets on the machine. I think that was when the other
accomplice slipped his hand into my dad's pockets and took the wallet
and 2 passports. My mum, cousin and I were just a few steps away from
them. The 3 buggers alighted at the next stop and my sis quickly asked
my dad to check our belongings. That was when he shouted that our stuff
were gone. The tram left the stop.

Then we spent half the day in police station and making calls back to Sg
and UK. Thanks to Krumbs and his aunt help, we manage to find the
General Consulate of Singapore and successfully got the paper work done
quickly. So we flew back to UK safely. I think I will not go back there
again.

After we came back from Prague, we decided to drive up north (about 6
hours drive) to Lake District where there is lotsa sceneries for my mum.
Coz you see, my dad loves history, my mum enjoys sceneries. So the first
half of the holiday my mum did not really enjoy. Krumbs booked an
excellent hotel with great view and all of us, including Bran and
Krumb's mum enjoyed ourselves. We had a few walks...went to a waterfall,
climbed to the top of a hill and walked around the town.

This is where Krumbs proposed too. Right in front of the lake, just the
two of us.
I did not think I would be embarrassed but I was!! And I forgot whether I
said yes. hahaha... but i did take the ring. Kekeke.
Then we broke the news to my folks!

I would go back to Lake District during summer.

And so, Lake District was the last stop. They went back to Singapore the
next day. I was sad that they had to leave so soon but I'm glad i have
shared with them what's in my life now. My folks and I weeped a little as
we bade goodbye. Then i smsed a "I love u all" before they boarded
the plane.

4th week to now: So as you can see, I did not have the time to settle in properly
after I came to UK. I was busy running around! kekeke...

For those who miss my kukuness and my great look, hope this satisfies you! BLEAH!!!

:: melancholic ::

2008-01-19T15:49:00.000+08:00

Well, 2008 has come and 2007 has passed in a blink of an eye. Its amazing how time flies. I remember when I was younger, I always imagine how I'll be like when I am 25, 26, 27... This year I'm gonna be 28. And I'm no way near what I had imagined myself to be. :) Though that doesn't mean a bad thing.

I had imagined myself, at this age, to be someone who is already experienced in my area of work. But I am not. In fact, I had just started working not very long ago and my experience? A mere 2.5 years. However, I am not complaining coz I didn't regret the path I've chosen, the decisions I had made that made me where I am today.

I am contented I chose to leave Junior College after a year there and made my way to Singapore Polytechnic. I really did enjoyed my days in Poly, in fact I was happier. It was almost carefree. Now that I think back, there were several childish moments and its nice to have such fond memories. Had I not decided to go SP, I wouldn't have met my good friend, who has been with me all the way to university and went through the ups and downs with me all these years. Also, the good friends I made in university, the stockholm exchange and the Youth Expedition Project that followed. I guess everything happen for a reason eh?

Not that I regretted leaving JC. At least that's where I met him and knew what love is. Hahaha. Lame.

Well, I had thought I would be someone working in the office, who dresses in smart suits or pretty office wear, carrying a briefcase, working hard and climbing up the corporate ladder, carving out a career out there in the corporate world.
But HELL no. I was wearing a uniform. A uniform that the world recognizes (eerr..at least most of the world, some asked if we were from thai or msia airlines). A uniform that not only represents the company but the fine country that I live in. I may be just a tiny fraction of the large pool of crew, but I'm proud to say I was once part of the Singapore Girl, part of the "Great way to fly". :p I do not carry any briefcase but I carry luggages. I do not climb the corporate ladder but I walk. I walked from Singapore to London, Singapore to Sydney, Singapore to Shanghai, etc. kekeke.

I remember I hesitated to sign the contract as they broke the news to me that I've been chosen. There were many factors I needed to consider. In the end, the main reason that stood out was "I can only do this when I am young." So there. I flew for a while and have at least fulfilled one of my goals: Travel around the world!

Talking about youth, before I left the airline, there were many new crew who joined. Not only are they new, they are freaking young. Can you imagine someone at the age of 19, 20 or 21??? I couldn't believe my ear when I overheard a crew telling the other that she was born in 1987 or 1988. I turned around and went "WHAT?!" All right, I have to admit I'm getting older by the days. Generation gap exist!!!! haha.

When I was teenager, I thought that I'll get married by the age of 26. Bare in mind that 26 was already considered a little late at that point in time. Look! I'm way past 26 and...no way near married.

Age is just a figure, isn't it? Maybe when I say this, many of you would laugh at me but I just don't feel like I'm 28 at all! I feel as though I'm still like 24, 25ish. (hey, some crew did think that I was 24 and were in shock when I told them my age. hahaha. okie i have brag enough)

Now that a new year has come, I certainly hope it would be a better year than the last. 2007 was a little painful to begin with. Losing someone you love and knowing that you did not cherish enough and could have done better, was a little too much to deal with. The pain is still there and the wound still feels fresh. And all i can hold on to are the fond memories of her and the painful lesson learnt.

Sometimes we talked as if she is still around. "Ask nai nai to alter for you lor" my mum would said when I asked her to help me alter my clothes coz it was always my grandma who helped us to alter clothes. My heart aches everytime I hear such words. "okay, then I'll burn this for her and hope she'll receive" I would laughed it off to ease the pain. Sometimes we will go "haiz, if nai nai is around, it wouldn't be like this....she would have done this...done that..."

Yesterday we went for the prayer session as it was the one-year anniversary. Got a little melancholic and I kept telling myself not to think in order not to wet my eyes. My cousin told me there was once my aunty called my nai nai's house at about 12pm, the time she will always call when my grandma's still around. Coincidentally, my cousin picked up the phone and my aunty's heart almost jumped coz at that moment in time, she thought it was actually my nai nai. You see, everyone misses her and wishes she had never gone.

Well, I guess shit happens but life still goes on. I can either have myself indulge in sorrow or climb out of it and make sure I would never do the same again. I think I choose the latter. Regret is one thing that I can't handle well. I have her as my role model in my heart and I'll try to be the woman that she was when she was alive. I may not be as great as her but i would certainly try my best.

In one month's time, I will be away for a while. I hope all will be good.
I do not know for sure if that is a right decision as my heart still feel a little unease. As much as I would love to take a break, enjoy a little English life, be by krumb's side, I am worried about things at home. I would be home sick. I would miss my parents, the pointless arguments i have with sister, the company of friends.
I know it is a good opportunity for me to explore out there and see if i can find any work. It'll do good for my future. However, the thought of being so far away from home just makes me a little uneasy. I would still go ahead with the plan, rest assured. Guess I'm just being worrisome? It will be only half a year and hopefully, nothing will happen at home.

***********************

I went for the annual MRI and holter test in December. The result was out and I was there to see my doc last week. The results showed the same thing. It is still not confirm I have ARVD coz I merely fulfill the minor criteria or rather I seem to be at the early stages of ARVD. I asked the doc if it will worsen as time pass, but doc replied that there is no definite answer. It may worsen or it may not happen in my life time at all. Hence, the need to go for an annual mri check as he wants to monitor closely.

But what is confirmed is that I have PVC(Premature Ventricular Contractions) and an abnormal heart. PVC coupled with an abnormal heart would be potentially life threatening. I really do not feel like taking the medication for PVC but my doc said he is not comfortable with me not taking any medication especially when my PVC rate is very high. Guess I just have to eat this time.... Hey, i have to take every 12 hour everyday leh!!!!! and the pills are so expensive... :'( My brother is also taking another kind of pill for his heart condition and he advised me to eat the medicine. I may not think the medicine does anything for now but over time, it could potentially save my life if one day it should happen. So it is up to me whether I want to take that risk.

Doc also told me that there is a decrease in the functionality of the left chamber of my heart, from 54% last year to 49%. I was told that a normal person would be about 60%. However, some of the decrease could also be due to the measurement error during the mri test as my high PVC prevents it from taking the images accurately. Well, he said he can't say that there is a substantial progression but there is a certainly a progression. Hmm... I think what he meant was there is a progression towards deteriotion of my heart??

I wondered if what I have could be another kind of heart condition instead of ARVD. The doctor replied "The MRI basically tells the whole story." hmm..okay, i could be a potential ARVD patient then.. Or am I already one???

Anyway, if one day i should collapse and my heart stop beating, I hope my friends would be able to revive me using CPR. So peeps, please go and learn this might-potentially-save-val's-life skill!!! Oh, if one day i should faint for no reason, I need to go hospital and inform my doc too. Peeps, his name card is inside my wallet. Hahahhaa...

And if one day I should go suddenly......

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!

All right people, stay healthy.

:: 5 years later (or is it 6?) ::

2007-12-10T01:20:00.000+08:00

I met up with Pete just yesterday and he hasn't changed much after all these years. Hmm... Haven't seen him since I entered university, which was probably 5 years ago....?

Nope, he hasn't change much though he claimed he has put on weight but i think its fine! I still remember I used to call him monster pete coz he resembles the monster in monster inc movie...big and cuddly!! I like!!! Haha..such endearing name.
Yes, we updated each other of the happenings the past few years.

Chatting with him yesterday (after being apart for so many years) on a nice breezy saturday afternoon, was really nice. It didn't take us, or rather, me, much time to feel comfortable.

Yes, it does bring back some memories. Some fond memories that I would never forget.
I should not have done what I did last time but ah well... Wisdom comes easily on the hindsight. I guess we did what he thought was best for me. Such selfless guy.

He's really a great guy and I wish him well.

:: self worth ::

2007-11-07T22:19:00.000+08:00

What is self worth?
Does the environment and external factors dictate self worth or does it come within oneself?

Am i thinking too much into things and had myself fooled?
Or have I indulge myself in self pity too much and I can't get out of it.

Do I actually possess the things I think I have?
Are the people around me whoever I think they are?

Am I losing myself? Am I fading away?

:: Beautiful Seed ::

2007-11-07T15:33:00.000+08:00

"I think that a seed is a wonderful metaphor for our lives. We are all like seeds. Seeds grow unseen in the soil and then sprout, and some seed become the biggest, most majestic trees and others grow to eventually bear wonderful fruit, and yet others, grow to provide shade. We are like trees. When we are in our mother's womb, no one can see us growing, but we are there. And all the potential for our lives is present in that moment, small as we are at that point in our lives, we are who we are now because of what we've gone through. And just knowing that, makes me sad to read about the increasing numbers of abortions that occur. People have forgotten that all the potential for life comes from something small, seemingly insignificant, seemingly lifeless."
~ Corrinne May~

Just bought Corrinne May's latest album "Beautiful Seed" after I heard one of her songs over the radio.
Her lyrics were really beautiful and very meaningful.

Two of my fave songs from the album:

1. Shelter
"Friends support and help each other through difficult times. This song is about friendship.
It is a song to a friend to tell her that I will be here for her through the difficulty she is going through. All she has to do is call me and I will help her in whatever way I can."

Lyrics:
What's wrong, whats getting you down
Is it something I might have said?
You're walking around
with your head to the ground
and your eyes are watery red

I know you've been through tough times
Kicked around, thrown to the ground
but you've always been the strong one
So don't tell me that nobody gets you
'cause I'm standing in your corner
Knocking at your door
You don't have to be alone

Just call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend

We share a bond
You and I we belong
We're like coffee and morning trains
You strip my defenses
I catch your pretenses
The same blood runs through our veins
I swore I'd be your lifeline
Made a vow that I'd surround you with love at every milestone
I'll listen when nobody gets you
I'm still standing in your corner
Waiting by your door
You don't have to be alone

Just call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend

It was not too long ago
You sought to understand
You helped me mend
Remember when
So promise me you'll

Call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let my be your shelter my friend

2. Beautiful Seed
"I think people often forget how the smallest, most seemingly insignificant things can have such beautiful possibilities. All it takes is one person to make a difference in this world. People like Mother Teresa, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. testify to this fact. But often, we are so afraid to try, to speak up, or to make a difference."

Lyrics:
You can fill the darkness
With just one flash of light
Break the silence with just one word
One definance starts a revolution
One life can save the world

On the steps of Washington
Sprinkled like confetti
Thousands of people sing
"we shall overcome"
The preacher shouts
"Let freedom ring"
He gave his life for what he believed.

You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
Change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future
Shout it, don't whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed

She's a pastor daughter
She's only 16
But her heart and her belly
Are breaking at the seams
Her boyfriend blames her
He wants to pay for the doctor to wash it away

As she lays in the hospital
A christmas choir is singing
About a child in a manger
Fragile and small
"Unto us is born a Saviour"
She looks at her baby and cries
As she sings him lullaby

You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
Change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future
Shout it, don't whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed

Every hope, every power
Lies in the heart of a seed that flowers
Interwined all across the land
We're all seeds in the maker's hands

:: fat ::

2007-11-07T03:13:00.000+08:00

I think I'm putting on weight.

Contemplating to try Cambridge Diet coz one of my friends tried for a week and she lost 6kg.
Should I?

:: Amritsar and london::

2007-11-07T02:32:00.000+08:00

Yes, that's amritsar....
Sigh... no mood to say anything right now. Duno why and dun ask.
Seems to have things to say, yet no words seem to form.

Yea..so i decided to...just upload photos.

At krumbs' yi-ma's place...somewhere in uk.

hmm.... losing myself?

:: velviie's wondering... ::

2007-10-24T14:22:00.000+08:00

I wonder why would someone says "why is she with someone like this? can't get better meh"? when hers ain't a model too.
Is there a need for such shallow comment?
Is she saying I am stupid or he's not up to it..or both? and besides, since when does physical appearance dictates a person's character/behaviour or how good/bad a person is?

yes, we being human, are and will be attracted to beautiful things. But hey, is that all?
Appearance is what attracts you first but what continues to retain you or hold that interest is what lies beneath that surface. Yes, no?

Think about it.

:: Nostalgia ::

2007-10-10T04:08:00.000+08:00

It was girls' night out yest. Nope, we didn't go partying and all... just a mini girl's gathering at G's house (though the owner of the house is a guy and he just went overseas for work so we borrowed his place, heehee). The girls had cooked and eaten their dinner when I went over later after my flight. I made them cooked instant noodles for me as I made my way there.
And tah dah!! My dinner was ready the moment I reached and they served me like a lil princess. Wahahaha~ ooooh i like....!!
Oh and we had glutinous rice ball soup for dessert....it was lovely!

After the ra-ra, we sat down and have a chat and updated one another with the recent happenings. Several topics came up, such as, how are Y and K coping with their LDR (Long Distance Relationship), how is YW doing with her new job and her life after the break-up, and of coz amongst all these, there are the typical questions that I would bombard Y. "How was the first kiss?", "Under what circumstances", "How did it happen?", "what else did he do..?" hahaha...well, it didn't help when she was shy about it. I have to do the digging right? Heh.

As we chat further, I was reminded of the past. How the past events has shaped me and how certain people have made me who I am today. I would never forget E for he was my first love and though we did had many unhappy arguments after we broke up, we shared many many fond memories. He was the first one who made me feel so loved and showed me what love is. And it was these lovely memories during the times when we were together that strives me to find someone who can make me feel the same way again.

But he is also the same person who brought me down to the darkest days of my life. He slapped me and yes though I feel angry but what I learned from there is I would never ever ever let another guy treat me that way again. I comtemplated suicide. Never EVER before did I think I would be so stupid. I don't know why but that thought just came to me. I tried to but I stopped myself in time. And when he knew about it, he merely laughed and said the most hurtful words I ever heard "Hahaha, why didn't u cut deeper? hahahaha..pls lah I know you don't dare to do it." From that moment on, I woke up and realised how fucking silly I was. I WILL NEVER do that again.

I often wonder how someone can be such a sweet angel when we were together and yet a devil when it was over.

You may think it would be easy to get over this kind of person. It took me a long time. 2 years...maybe? It was a struggle inside me. One part of me missed him like crazy and wished we could be like before. I would go back to the places where we used to hang out. I would go back to the place where we first got together and sat there, just thinking of him and crying alone. However, the other part of me kept reminding myself how he had changed. Sometimes I would succumb to that part of me and I would smsed him and chat with him in msn. But what did I get in return? Another round of hurt and pain.

I dodged him when I was in uni. I was careful of where I was going and always keep a lookout for him. I don't know how many times had I hide behind a pillar until he was gone. I just didn't know how to face him like a normal person and I didn't want to allow myself to get into that deep shit again. Finally, I freed myself after a long while. He made me realised how love can be sweet and yet painful.

W reminds me of the guilt trip I went thru and I would never like to experience again.

P reminds me how selfless can one be. He let me know what unconditional love is. He is the living proof of the statement "If you really love a person, you would let her go and be somewhere she can be happy, with no questions asked." I don't know if I can be that selfless but would certainly try to be one.

I did not know how stubborn and persistant I was till I know A. Everyone around me advised me to let go but I held on for the longest time. I realised I can really give my 100% or even 101% for someone and would try and try until I ran out of breath, until all my energy has been drained, until I can't see any more hope.

He taught me not to be prejudiced and keep an open mind when dealing with people other than my own race.
He made me realised how many of us have misconceptions of our fellow people from other races, how wrong we are in passing our judgement on them, how wrong we are in our perception of them. I learned to be more sensitive towards this and not to be judgemental. After all, we are all the same, we are human. Isn't embracing the diversities we have more beautiful?

My good fren, C, since poly days, keeps my irrationality in check. I am such a irrational freak and she would be there to ensure I don't do anything stupid and offer me her most honest opinion. I appreciate the honesty and I cherish this friendship. We been thru the ups and downs of each other's life. I can be myself and be absolutely myself when with her. I could show my bad sides and she would take it. This friend is definitely one to keep.

I learned that that's what a true friend should be. That I can be myself, be it the good or bad sides, and she/her would be able to accept it. Kinda like boyfriend lah but of the same gender. Rather than always just show the good side of you..just so that ur friends would not have a bad impression of you. If that's the case, is it the true you that you are displaying? Or just the pretentious you? A true friend would stand by your side no matter what...i think. Even she made a bad decision after how much you have advised her against it, you would still be there to cushion her fall should she fail.

Of course I don't mean I can always throw my temper around and all and expect the other to accept. I will just be the real me with nothing to hide.

My sec sch good fren, C. She reminds me of me. Hahaha. You see, we are similar in many ways, in terms of thinkings, taste, etc. I enjoyed the times when we had fun and shared many activities together. They helped to pull myself together after E. i would say Girl Power!

Yes, I admit I did have times when I don't agree with what they had said and done. I had times when I am torn between hanging out with them or doing my school work and projects. Those were the times when I had hoped for some understanding from them. I realised it could probably be my fault too coz I didn't let them know, instead, I drifted apart and slowly, we changed and friendship faded i guess. Yes, I did fail as their friend coz I should have been honest with them. If I'm unhappy, I should have told them instead of keeping quiet about it and let myself drifted apart. But what and how should I say if I dun agree with them?

My childhood buddy, Y. She seems to know inside me out even though we seldom meet but we do keep each other updated. She reads my blog and i think she's the only one...and hey, get yourself a blog leh so i can be updated too!!! heh heh. She's the other friend who would stood by me even when I fall. I think we should meet up more often. Aarrgh, this is the part when I hate my job. Irregular timing.

Certain events made me who I am too. The Yep trip to Cambodia made me realised how fortunate we are. The innocent kids... all they wanted is to grow up quickly so that they can support their family. They cherish education and really have the desire to learn and be a useful person. Unlike in our society, children study coz they want to win their pals. The fund-raising for the trip had also let me know how kind some people's heart are. A not-so-close friend of mine approached me and expressed his interest in buying the t-shirts and notebooks when I put the sale as my subnick in the msn messenger. I was surprised coz I didn't approach him at all since I don' know him that well. I was touched by his kindness.

On the other hand, I was disappointed with some of my friends' awful remarks at that time. I do not like to force people to do things they don't like, especially this kinda charity thing. Its their own free will. I merely brought the fund-raising thing across and its really up to individual if you want to support or not. I certainly did not expect any criticism from them. They can choose not to buy or support and I wouldn't be unhappy at all, but I don't think it is nice to make those unneccessary remarks, especially coming from my own friends. I was truely hurt by those words.

Doing charity is really not easy and I would love to do my bits for the society in time to come, especially in the 3rd world countries. I'm more geared towards helping those poor kids...i would love to adopt children if i can and make a difference in their lives.

I guess I have written quite a fair bit on the recent passings of my grandad and grandma. One of my colleague's dad just passed away and whatever she was feeling, the emotions and thoughts... reminded me of what happened in the recent past and I felt the pain all over again. Up till now, I would never forget the pain of losing someone you love dearly. I would never allow myself to forget the pain, just so I would be reminded of how selfish I had been, how I missed the many chances of visiting them when I could. I would never forgive myself. And this would be the regret I have to live with for the rest of my life....

I learned to cherish and care for my family more. I just want to be around more often. I don't want to have another such regret.

:: Bored Stiff ::

2007-09-29T15:28:00.000+08:00

I'm bored in Abu Dhabi and I would be here till next thursday. *yawnz* Its a good time to catch up with my sleep though.
And perhaps practise my SEP quizes which I would be tested soon. But still...there're still lotsa time left!! Thank god there is WOW. heh heh.

Recently, it seems that there are a few of my friends leaving Singapore.
Well, Krumbs went back to London...and yea, I miss him!
Daniel, be good in Frankfurt yea... Have fun in your new job and take care! I'll visit you if I can!
Peter went back to taipei for work...
Kenji heading back to Japan... Yvonne, hang in there!

hmm... I'm looking forward to staying in London next year. But...would there be anything there for me to do?

:: missing a part of me ::

2007-09-17T13:10:00.000+08:00

So I'm back in Singapoe alone now... after sending krumbs back to London.
It is only the first day and it feels weird. Feeling empty perhaps? Oh well, i guess it will be better as the days pass.

It was a good trip to london. At first, I thought the IFS would be a nasty one coz he was kinda listed as one of the top ten. I was almost contemplating not to do the london flight becasue of that. However, I decided to stay on coz I really wanna see krumbs back to London. Well, it turned out exactly the opposite! He was actually nice.. (well though he's a bit sticky on certain things but hey, i could say he's okay!) The flights up and back weren't easy though... lotsa orders and demanding people...but its worth it.

Was extremely tired after I touched down in london, had a bbq dinner with his family at his place and then I dozed off. Hmm..actually I can't exactly remember what else happened on that day coz I was walking like a zombie...
Oh oh but i do remember that his mum prepared my pyjamas, bath robe, towel and a teddy bear by his bed. So nice!!
Well, she even stock up krumbs' little fridge in his room.

Sent his mum to work the next day and along the way, we went into the Build-A-Bear store. The three of us were busy selecting the clothing for the bear which he insisted in getting. (It's bloody exp for a teddy bear!?!?) While the attendant was stuffing the bear with cotton, his mum suggested to put 2 hearts inside the bear..oh ya, and gotta make a wish first..blah blah. Hahahaha...i feel so silly. And then u know... the bear has got a name, a birth cert and even a passport which can be stamped at the immigration. And yea so Krumbsiie is born. Oh...we can't decide its gender..so tentatively its unisex. HAHAHHAHA

Drove down to central london together with Ivan for the famous Duck rice. hmm... the duck is nice but I wouldn't go back again for it simply coz its expensive when I can get it in Singapore tons cheaper and easier.

There were road diversions here and there and it took us about 2 hours to get back home (normally it would take abt an hour?). Relying on the GPS TomTom doesn't help, honey!

The next day, he sent me back to the hotel and we're just waiting for the time to say goodbye.
It was a lil difficult trying to fight back my tears, but what made it easy was that my makeup was already on. And yea, i tried to hang myself upside down by the bed so that the tears won't flow down. hahaha.

Whatever need to be said have been said. What reassurance we need have been said. I was just... sitting there, looking at him quietly, hoping time will fly pass quickly before I could see him again. And then I went on to imagine how would it be like without him in Singapore. The thought of not having him by my side, made me even sadder and I quickly abandoned that thought. I don't even wanna think about it.

************

Well, now.. at least I have lotsa free time now. Heh Heh..

Sorry my dear friends, pardon me for not spending enough time with u guys lately as we were just trying to maximise the time we had in Singapore and I asked for your understanding.

:: WOW ::

2007-09-08T12:59:00.000+08:00

I blamed krumbs for my recent addiction to WOW (War of Warcraft).
But it was a nice addiction. HEH. Time flies quickly while you are at it. HA~
I even dreamt of it one night. Dreamt of my character killing creatures and levelling. haha! Nice~
****************************

Krumbs gonna head back to london next week. Hmm... having mix feeling about it.
I think I'm sure gonna feel the void while he's gone but this also means we're a step nearer to our aim. Now, that's some kind of consolation. HEH.
I'm pretty sure we're going to do just fine... as long as I've an europe flight each month? I'll try to change to london if possible or he'll come down to the europe stations where I'm at.

Sigh. From almost seeing each other everyday to possibly meeting up only once a month, it does seems like a huge deal.
But yea, we'll pull through it. We're definitely not a big fan of long-distance relationship.

I'll be on the same flight with him as he heads back next week. Feeling a bit excited about going back to his place...well, you know, different status now. heehee.
Oh, kinda feeling scared about what his mum gonna speak "seriously" to us about. Not that his mum is fierce or what. On the contrary, his mum is really open-minded and extremely friendly. I haven't really met her yet but we've been on the phone a few times...She's a supercool mum! Oh ya, and she has been seriously proposing to krumbs about buying a flat once he gets his arse back to SG next year.

Some funny conversations between them goes like this:

his mum: hey son, ask Val to quit her job and come over london with you.
krumbs: yes mum, we have been discussing about this issue...she need to work out the finance and stuff...
his mum: ask her not to worry. She's got a roof over her head, food on the table, car to drive, money to spend.....
krumbs: hmm... car?
his mum: ya...drive your car lor!
krumbs: money?
his mum: aiyah... u go and work lor!
---
his mum: So is Val coming over? Ask her to come stay for 2 years lah!
krumbs: what? no mum...
his mum: ok ok...1 year?
krumbs: no mum! 6 months!
his mum: ok ok..
---
his mum: hey, u guys very free right? Go HDB and look for flats lah.
krumbs: huh? mum!?!?! erm... where's the money?
his mum: I'll pay for the deposit lor!
----
his mum: hey son, if you are serious about each other, I think we should talk about buying a flat seriously. Why dun you and val disucss about it seriously?
krumbs: Okay mum...
his mum: dun worry about the money. I'll pay. We'll talk about this seriously when u two come back next week.
---
***********************************

While I'm still not sure if I should go ahead with the plan of going over london for 6 months, but I'm definitely gonna resign.
I guess its about time to leave the company or else you'll be stuck in it.
Yes, i may not feel confident about looking for a ground job but at the same time, I feel i should get out of that comfort zone.
There are thousands and one questions one asks me why would I want to resign when the job seems good... but I have thousands and one replies to that. Its just a matter of personal preference i guess. I dun think its a bad job.. perhaps its just not my cup of tea. After all, I knew I wouldn't stay for long.

Well, future seems to be a lil uncertain for now. Just gonna take each step at a time.

:: krumbs birthday ::

2007-09-01T15:32:00.000+08:00

On his birthday early this month (ooh, i love the fact that he's a Leo), I brought him to Oosh at dempsey for dinner.

It was our first time there and we fell in love with that place at first sight.

Nice dinner...nice ambience and space for chilling out. We were a lil skeptical about the chillout area as we moved over because it seemed to be "mosquito-friendly". Well, it turned out no mozzies at all! We had phobia of mozzies recently, especially after getting more than 20 over jumbo bites from the commando mozzies in Sabah.

He thought that would be the end of the night but I surprised him by telling the cab driver somewhere else.
And then i blindfolded him and led him to the place. Gave him the birthday cake right at 12am sharp as he opened his eyes. He couldn't stopped smiling. :)

I'm glad he enjoyed it. All the planning and rushing, especially I was doing flight in between, was worth it.

:: Sabah Sabah! ::

2007-08-28T15:30:00.000+08:00

Hello peeps!

I have really been busy and couldn't write as often as I wanted to. (ps to krumbs: i really wonder why?)

We went sabah recently (errr...in July actually), met isaac and had such great fun. The company was great, the diving was...an eye-opener (and considering I was almost drowned) and the river rafting was one hell of an adrenaline rush.

Yes, I was almost drowned. Well, it was just me being panic and all. Haha.. I wanted to quit but the instructor persuaded me to stay on and krumbs assured me he'll be just be right next to me.

In the end, I plucked up enough courage to stay on and did all the required skills safely. Of course, if it wasn't for krumbs, who always made sure he was within my sight, I wouldn't have succeeded. I had trouble with my buoyancy control a few times and was floating a bit higher than the rest. I was afraid to lose sight of the rest and krumbs and everytime I tried to look around me, his hands would reach out to me and gave me the assurance that I needed.

I remembered there was once as we dived into deeper depth, I forgot to release more air in my BCD, hence, I floated and floated and found myself going higher and higher than everyone else. I tried to release more air but somehow i just couldn't get myself down. Then, I kinda saw myself drifted away from the rest of the group. As I slowly lose sight of them, I resigned to my fate. I was a lil scared as I didn't where I was and where would the rest be and dunno if they realised I'm lost. All I knew was, I was heading to the surface involuntarily. Then, all of the sudden, I saw krumbs swimming towards me. I was totally relieved! I realised he was watching over me all this while. (and yes, the running joke was that... knowing how corals take thousands of years to form, he couldn't help feeling sad as he watched me and my fins flapping onto them. Oops! But hey! not that I purposely did that! O_o" )

And so with that, we had our basic diving license! I'm proud of that coz... I was afraid of fishes and was apprehensive if I should go ahead with it, this is especially so after the "nearly-drowned" incident. But I told myself I must overcome that phobia. Oh, my instructor, Nevelle also played a part in assuring me and guaranteeing me that I would come to no harm. He's really sweet too. So.. yeh, I'm a certified SSI diver!!

We did white river rafting together too... though I felt that I was just soaked in a huge tub of Ice milo. It was fun!

I had a great short vacation trip and I really didn't feel like coming home just yet. Oh well, isn't it all the same feeling when one went on a vacation?? Okay, I shall be contented. In fact, I am more than happy. Happy that we did lotsa activities together. Happy that we could actually had such great fun together. Happy that we found out a lot more about each other and could still be happy! Happy that we survived the 9 days together (why i say that? well coz apparently, both of us had some reservations as to whether we could stand each other's good/bad habits throughout the 9 days away from home and in close proximity. And it turned out good!)

"Such a relationship-building trip!" - krumbs.

Collages of photos are below.

:: A clarification ::

2007-07-20T10:00:00.000+08:00

This is very frustrating. I'm gonna say this again and I intend to make it permanent.

Your calculation is simply wrong. Besides, I didn't go away for 2 weeks.
I may not see him every day but I see him every day when I'm around in SG.
And its a fact that he only advanced when we split.
That's how feelings developed, if you haven't realised.

I DID NOT like some other guys and decided not to break up with you coz the other wasn't interested. You make me seem so cheap like I have to hold on to you like a saftey net.
This is simply bullshit and i think its the work of your own freaking haywired mind.
I may have find some guys cute but that is just that. Isn't this NORMAL?
And MIND YOU, i did not go any further coz I KNOW I WAS ATTACHED.

Please, will you wake up and remember something? Way before, I have already mentioned to you about breaking up. The problem is simply between US. About YOU and I not being able to FIT. About YOU not being able to provide me with some thing which I wanted in a significant other. About having a different religion. It is more apparent now and it affected me because of what happened to my grandma. With all these considerations, I did honestly tell you my concerns. It is not because I fell for another guy then I am thinking of splitting! My issue with you already started way before that.

I held on times after times coz you didn't want to let go. I tried to convince myself to stay and try too and I DID TRY. I was hoping things would change or I might change. BUT HELL NO. It didn't. I wasn't holding on to you coz there wasn't some one else. LIKE HOW I TOLD EVERY ONE ELSE, I'D RATHER BE OLD AND SINGLE AND DIE ALONE THAN TO MARRY A WRONG ONE. I realised, with all the concerns which I have mentioned to you before, you wasn't the one that I wanna spend my life time with.

One last time, the reason why I wanted a breakup is simply due to the issues between us. Its YOU.
DO NOT conveniently push to something else.

I may have like some one else after that. Excuse me, is that wrong?

Besides, telling me you want to destroy my LV the same way I tore your heart, is so ridiculous. I lend it to your MUM out of good will. I may have hurt you but I DID NOT BETRAY YOUR TRUST. So your comment on destroying MY LV coz I broke your trust simply does not apply.

I maintain. I DID NOT BETRAY YOUR TRUST.

:: hates being accused ::

2007-07-19T18:01:00.000+08:00

One thing I hate most? To be accused of something I did not do.

Just don't understand, why having being so honest, he still does not believe me.
The fact is right there and yet he has to twist it and interpret it his way, just to make it easier for himself to believe/blame.
Perhaps that made him feel better.

I had been completely honest and dun see the reason to lie.
Everyone knows.
I guess as long as my conscience is clear, that is what it matters.

Is it not my right to have my stuff back especially when i bought it with my own money? I can't even bear to use it myself.

Swearing and cursing doesn't make things better as well.

Sigh.

:: Happy Me ::

2007-07-17T14:43:00.001+08:00

I think I'm happy. :)
I think I'm lucky.

Its amazing how one thing led to another within such a short time. No, I'm not complaining.
Why should I?

I didn't expect this and it came as a bonus. me think.

I thought I would never feel the same way again after E left about 6 years ago.
The feeling which I have been secretly hoping for in every relationship after E.
I thought I would never be so lucky to find someone who will make me feel that way.
But I was wrong.

No, it's not a replacement. No, it's not.
Through E and the failed relationships along the way, I know what kind of man I like and what kind of man I would want to spend my lifetime with.

Then he happen to come into my life unexpectedly.
And I'm happy. I'm glad he fits in almost perfectly.

I know there's gonna be some obstacles ahead of us and it may gonna be rough.
I can't say for sure I'm very confident but i'm trying my best to be positive and keep this going as much as I can.

He has been so sweet and such a darling that I can't help falling.
Oh wait, I think I might just have fallen. :)

:: happily ever-after? ::

2007-06-26T12:03:00.000+08:00

Do i still deserve any happily ever after? After breaking his heart? In his words, so cruelly and heartlessly?

I know I'm selfish. But I also know I can't compromise my future.
I know I can try. But I also know I have no more energy.
I know I can be positive. But I also know I can't deceive myself anymore.

Yes, i know some may think i'm heartless. Shouldn't I give another shot especially we've been thru so much through the years?
But just like you all think, i'm heartless.. yes, I dun have the heart to stay anymore.

It is sad to see how this goes down the drain after so long. After having to try to convince everyone around me to accept us.
It was really tough. But I bite thru and finally got what I want...or so I thought. But look! what happens after that? Don't ask me why the things turned out the way it is. I have no clue and no answer for it. It just happen and the most I can do is to deal with it.

It was difficult to come to term with myself that I have to be this cruel. Why did I let it happen this way? Why have I done? Or What have I not done? Am I really this bad? Am I making a mistake? Why am I like that? Am I truely like that? I couldn't believe it but I know I have to be true to myself. Suddenly, I seem to have lose myself as I wander deeper into these thoughts.

It isn't the best ending. But I thought I did what I did for my own best and...indirectly, for his good?
If i see it going no where, isn't it better to take off now than when wedding bells ring?

I am sorry for what I've done and I know I've hurt you badly. It's my bad and I take full responsibilty for it.
You mentioned about karma. I know retribution will fall upon me one day. Even if it means sacrificing my "happily ever-after", i guess I still would have made the same decision.

I wish you the best.
I'm sorry. I truely am.

*************************************************************************

I finally teared when I heard this song in my Ipod. Every word seems to tell me how he felt. And i feel so bad.

张学友
我真的受伤了

窗外阴天了
音乐低声了
我的心开始想你了
灯光也暗了
音乐低声了
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外阴天了
人是无聊了
我的心开始想你了
电话响起了
你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了
是你变了

灯光熄灭了
音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了
人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了

:: mistakes? ::

2007-06-22T18:24:00.000+08:00

I wonder... do we really need to take many wrong turns in order to know the right way?

I wonder...does it mean I have to make some mistakes before I know what is right?

:: now what ::

2007-06-22T15:40:00.000+08:00

Well, things doesn't really seem to get any better.
I did try. But somehow I dunno why it doesn't feel the same anymore.
I have been trying to be positive.
I did what he told me to. Look back and see how we have come so far. The memories should guide us back to the right track.
Sometimes it does, but most of the times I find myself runnng away from it.

I dare not look into the future.
Am I just sitting here letting time pass by and see where it takes me?

I am not who I am. Am i?

:: To-Do List ::

2007-06-18T12:50:00.000+08:00

Guess i have to write these stuff down before I forget or more accurately procrastinate away...

1. Scrapbook!!
2. Plan july vacation trip
3. Update resume and cover letters
4. Look out for jobs
5. Save save save money!

okie... think i have forgotten the others. will update them when i remember.

what a slacker i am.

:: i dunno what title ::

2007-06-18T00:49:00.000+08:00

I feel like writing..but i dunno what to write.... So i'm just randomly throwing some irrelevant, nonsensical words out of my head now.

Dum dee dum dee dum dee dum...la la la la la la la..

oh ya, should I leave my current job? Its still a big question in my head...
I want to move on but I'm afraid. I dun feel quite confident about myself, neither do I think I'm smart. Plus the fact that I dun have any experience. Now... i wonder which company, in the area I'm interested, will consider my application. Hahaha. And of course, the next biggest concern is pay cut. I wonder if I'll be able to manage the pay cut.

Aaarrrggggghhhh.... HOW!!??!?!?!?!?!???!??!?!?!?

I'm kinda stuck.

oh..that reminds me of a song... Stuck In A Moment by U2.
Nice.

BUT still stuck. AAARRRRGGH!

:: Back to square one ::

2007-06-16T01:46:00.000+08:00

I went through one big round and am back to square one.

It isn't all a bad thing though.
At least I have learnt that there is really someone out there who truely loves me wholeheartedly and willing to do anything for me.
I felt touched when he said that.
As for me, I guess I have to learn to start from scratch again. Start loving all over again (just that its the same person) coz I think I have gotten used to be at the receiving end than giving. I think its time for me to try start giving. Hopefully things work out fine this time and just like in fairytale, happily ever after (dreaming again?!?!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Things between C and I got better after we thrash out our feelings. It was good.
This is a good example of how good things turned bad. Hahaha.. We were trying so hard to be sensitive to each other and trying to make each other feel better, that the tension between us built up and had caused a certain level of awkwardness and discomfort.

But I'm glad the issue is over and certainly feel like the load is off my mind especially when I poured out my inner feelings.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On this note, I would like to proclaim that I'm an EMO Freak and I hate it!!!!

But sometimes, I like it, I DO!

Oh shucks!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Some time ago, we went Desaru....guess what? we played MJ all daaaaaay loooooooooonnnnnggg!

:: standby ::

2007-05-04T01:13:00.000+08:00

I was on standby today and tmr. It was the first time i didn't called up today!
But I was activated for Denpasar turn tmr. In fact, I need to wake up at 5am...later.
Oh well, I will be coming back at 1535... so no complaint.

So today wasn't wasted after all. I studied my Biz class notes (which I'm going be trained soon) and even jote down the important things. In the end, it was pages after pages! Suddenly, I felt like I was back in school. How nice.... If only.... sigh.

My hands feel so tired after all the writings! And i feel like my brain has been over-fed with information.
I am excited to be trained for Business class but at the same time I am apprehensive about that too. The fear of working with the chiefs, the fear of not able to work as fast, the fear of not being equipped with enough product knowledge, just puts me off. It's like starting all over again, just like those times when I began working. Its really.... annoying.

Oh well, I guess its a stage I HAVE to go thru. After all my bond ends in September.

Really hope it will be all smooth sailing. :)

**************************************************************

He came over today to accompany me since I'm stuck at home waiting for any possible activation from my standby.
But... he slept most of the time while I'm studying my notes. He was feeling a bit unwell, having sore throat, cough and all.
I wished he had talk to me more coz it has been while since we last went out, talk and have fun. And recently, when he is out with me, he kept saying he was tired. So our outing didn't last long mainly coz I was put off with his tiredness. Somehow, I realised he was only tired when he's with me????

Although I should be appreciative of his effort of coming down to meet me (even for only half hour) when he was tired, somehow I felt it was not enough. Am i being demanding or taking things for granted?

For the first few times, I was touched when he came all the way down to meet me even when he is tired. But as it become so frequent, I began to think "What's the point"? Simply because, we can't do anything when he is tired. He will be grumpy and give me the vibes that he wanna go home. On some days when I'm free, all I wanted was to spend time with him, which we haven't been doing for quite a while. I would dress up and felt happy that we are finally heading out somewhere. But everytime, within 2 hours or so, he will be complaining he is tired. And what can I say? "Go home lor".
I just feel very disappointed each time.

Is it me or... what? I really don't know.

Well, I am glad he came to accompany me today though he wasn't feeling very well.

:: someone ::

2007-05-03T11:36:00.000+08:00

And so I let it all out.
Said everything I felt.
"Nothing" was the result.
As usual the door is shut.

I thought that was enough.
It has been tough.
I just want some connection,
Not isolation.
I just need some concern,
Not some nonchalance.

You said you were here all along.
I said i have never felt so alone.
You said this is your way of loving.
I said this is all wrong.
I need someone to depend on.
But where have you gone?

I do not need someone perfect.
But someone I can relate.
I do not need someone ideal.
But someone who makes me feel real.
I do not need a superman.
But someone who can hold my hand firmly throughout our life span.
Be it good times or bad times,
Someone who is my pillar of strength;
Someone who I can say we are one.

Are you that someone?
You said you are.
You want me to believe.
I want to, baby.
But darling, you have to show me.
You said you will keep trying.
And I will be right here waiting.

:: confused ::

2007-05-02T02:10:00.000+08:00

Feeling a bit confused about certain things.
I don't know what I'm feeling actually.
Is it going to be like this from now on? Is it going downhill. Or.. is it just temporary?
Then what am I suppose to do?

:: mushroom ::

2007-05-02T01:15:00.000+08:00

I wanted to get a trim initially. However, i saw a model in a magazine with a haircut which i think it looked quite cute. And so i toyed with the idea of getting the same hairstyle. My long-time hair stylist said it would be nice and hence, as usual, i entrusted my precious hair to him.

It turned out to be very refreshing which i guessed many would need some time getting used to. To be honest, I had wanted to cut this hair style since i was in my teens. I just didn't have the guts to do that then. I wonder where did I find the courage to do it now. :) I called it the "mushroom head". :p

Today, I have mixed feeling about the mushroom. While I quite liked it yesterday, today seemed different and I began to find the mushroom looked kinda weird. Oh no...

:: birthday ::

2007-04-27T13:17:00.000+08:00

Birthday is spent with some really good friends of mine, who have been with me through the ups and downs of life.
To know that these same people are still here with you on such occasion is truly heart warming.
A simple dinner is all I asked for. No more hoo-has and bangs-bangs on birthdays. hmm...
Well...seemed to have mellow down a lot in the recent years. I guessed it comes with age? Heh!

To those who came, thank you! I love u guys.
To those who sent the wishes, thank you too!

Later we went to a KTV session and had a good time singing and..... dancing? Check them out.

:: Bangkok, Cape Town::

2007-04-06T10:23:00.000+08:00

I know i haven't been blogging. Well there are certain things and feelings which i very much wanted to pen it down. However, with the chances that the people involved might get to read, I guessed I will just keep it to myself.

****************************************
Recently, I went to Bangkok for a short vacation. It has been years since I last went there. It didn't change much. I had a wonderful time shopping, shopping and shopping. I have never seen my dear shop so much before!!! really enjoyed this short trip.

****************************************

First Time to Cape Town! And its B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!!!!

:: Mycoplasma ::

2007-03-02T16:35:00.000+08:00

Still missing my granny. Couldn't really believe that she's gone...for a month already.
Somehow, somewhat, just kept thinking of her. The things she had said and done.
I can't describe how much I really miss her and how much i really really hope i have a chance to speak to her again, to hug her and to tell her how much I love her. I wished i could have at least dream of her and tell that in my dream. But I'm useless. The dream just didn't come on.
****************************

I fell terribly sick when I came back from Istanbul last week. Had a very very bad bacteria infection of my lungs. I had high fever and cough for a week. Luckily (after a week!!!), doc found out what was wrong after I did the blood test. Clinical Diagnosis: Mycoplasma Pneumonia Infection. So I'm taking the anti-biotics now. And yes, I'm recovering. Phew~

:: 蜡烛 ::

2007-02-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

奶奶，您就好像是一支蜡烛－宁愿燃烧自己，带给周围的人光芒。

对不起，我还没好好的去看您，您就走了。
我真的真的好后悔，没时常抽出时间去看您。还要您为我担心和操心。我真的很不应该。
可是，奶奶，我懂了，我知道该这么做了。我真的懂了。
我真的真的好后悔。

心确实是很痛，说不出口的痛。如果时间能从来，我一定不会这样。

奶奶，我真的好想您。。。

:: 奶奶 ::

2007-02-08T10:09:00.000+08:00

奶奶 - that's how we have been addressing our beloved granny since we were born.

奶奶 just passed away last wednesday. 1st of Feb. Too sudden. Too unexpectedly. Everyone was devastated.

Wthin a year, both of my grandparents whom I was very close to, whom I have grown up with, left us. My 爷爷 passed away on the last day of feb (28th feb) last year while my 奶奶 on the 1st of feb.

My 奶奶 was a very remarkable woman and was the entire family's pillar of strength. I remembered she did not shed a tear when my 爷爷 passed away because she knew we would all break down if she broke down. So she tolerated and put on a brave front, often encouraging us, consoling us. She was seen occasionally tearing as she talked about my 爷爷 a few months after the event.

She's like that. She's those of kind of person who would put everything on her shoulder and give the best for her children, for her grandchildren, her own brothers and sisters, even her neighbours. She would listen patiently to your woes, and then counsel you. She's impartial too. She won't side you when you have done wrong just because you are her family. She has helped to patch many relatonships in the family. Sometimes when I faced some problems, I would rather talk to her.

I can't tell you how wonderful she is unless you have actually met her. My 奶奶 is very open-minded (than my mum!!) and is very advanced in terms of her mentality.

Go ask around my neighbourhood and you will realise how popular she is. Everyone knows her for her cheerfulness, her smiles and her optimism. She never like to trouble people but she'll bring joy to people around her. Her friends for over 70 years, kept telling us how wonderful she is.

Sigh. I really love her and I wanted her to witness my wedding. Sob.
Well, hope she is now reunited with my 爷爷 and travelling around the world.

We gave my 奶奶 a sea burial, just like my 爷爷, as they had requested when they were alive. On the day when we collected her ashes, we found that my 奶奶 has relics! Its a good sign for us! Four of them, one black, one green, one white...the other one im not sure. Anyway, we then proceeded to changi ferry terminal for the sea burial. After the burial, my cousin took a picture of the sky as it was beautiful and we then realised something. It was pretty cloudy actually. But at the area where we put our 奶奶's ashes, the clouds moved apart, and rays came shining down.

Well, it could be coincidental. But it sure felt good.

We were at the sea, behind those trees.

My 奶奶's relics.

I miss my 奶奶!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'(

:: A pleasant surprise ::

2007-01-24T12:33:00.000+08:00

Hmm...How time flies. A blink of the eye took us to our third year together.

I still can remember vividly how we started, how he flew to Sweden to look for me, how we spent the early part of our time together in a foreign country. But for those we know me well, you will also remember the rough times I had been through with him. For about a year and half, I had been very unhappy with him. More often than not, my pillow would be wet with tears. Thinking back, the countless squabbles and fights we had still pain my heart as I write. Then came a time when I think I could perserve no more coz of his non-chalent attitude. A breakup would be a better option for me.

Apparently, that didn't happen. If you'd recalled from my earlier postings, he promised to change when he realised I was serious about leaving. I decided to give another shot, with very little faith in him. Little did I know, he meant every single word he said. He really changed completely. Eerr...oh well...perhaps a good 80%. And so we have been living happily since then. I'm contented.

So this year, I made him plan what we should do to celebrate this day together. Once again, I doubt his capability in this area coz he's really a block of wood!?!?!?!!? Nonetheless, I gave him a chance to prove otherwise... while I'm all prepared for a disappointment.

He refused to tell me where we were going and left me guessing, which was, indeed, very annoying! He purposely dropped many misleading hints to get me thinking about something else. I acted like I couldn't care and passed nasty remarks like he would really disappoint me, etc. However, the fact is I was dying to find out. Yet, I'm so afraid he would ruin it because of his inability to plan a nice day.

He came about an hour and half late. No matter how beautiful the day was, it just turned dark on my side. I was sooooo furious that I gave him a dressing down. But he just dragged me and said he would explained later...which got me angrier! Then, he said we'll eat in Orchard road, so I agreed...then he turned into Vivocity and said we'll eat there instead. We parked at the hawker centre carpark and I told him I wanted eat at the hawker centre. I didn't give up. I kept pressing him for an explanation on why he was late, but to no avail. After lunch, he said we'll go over to Vivocity to buy drink... But but but...i told him we could buy at the hawker centre. He just "aiyah...fjhkjbfjkw245678" and dragged me there. Hmm....suspicious! We went up to the third storey. "There's no supermarket up there lor!!!" I said. He hurried his foot steps and bought 2 Sentosa Express tickets.

"OOoOooh...... we are going to sentosa???" I said sheepishly. "Don't tell me you booked Rasa Sentosa?? (*smile*) Oh wait...you won't...you so stingy and unromantic.... OH NO!! Don't tell me you booked the NTUC Chalet?? the Kampong HUT ONE????(*panic*) My mind was going through all the most unromantic situations he can come up with... It didn't help when he just played along with me. I was fully prepared for a disappointment now.

We took the beach tram and headed towards the NTUC Chalet direction. "oh god..... this is for real...." I kept thinking to myself. However, at one stop, he pulled me out of the tram abruptly and in front of me, I was confronted with a very new and nice building. Hmm... it says... "Siloso Beach Resort". "We are going here? its new? how come i never see this before? you sure?? Where are we going?" I babbered on as he, once again, pulled me to the front door, without answering any of my questons. We took the lift to the 8th floor. "Heh? how come u no need to check in? Why u dun have to go to the reception? where is this place?" I continued.

"Aiyah, we are going through here to get to the NTUC chalet lah...its just beside it" he finally said.
"WHAT??? u must be kidding!! There can't be a through road here... hmm... then again, how did u know? U bluffing me riiiiighhhhhtttt???" I grinned secretly and my heart pounced rapidly.

As we came out of the lift, he just kept walking and suddenly stopped at a room and opened. I was taken aback and followed him through, smiling from one ear to another. The moment I stepped in, I noticed the stairway. "WHAT!!?!?! Its DOUBLE STOREY???" I dashed up the stairs with excitement. "Its an open-air Jacuzzi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

I quickly ran down and jumped on him and gave him a bear hug!

As we went up again to take a closer look, I noticed there were candles on the floor. Stupidly, i said "hey..someone forgot to clear their candles here...." I opened the door and found a bouquet of flowers on the deck chair. Another surprise! Now i remembered where these candles came from... heehee. It wasn't leftovers. How silly.

Then he explained to me he was late coz he had to come here to check in first. Hee...whatever. I'm not angry already. Hahhahaa...I'm such a typical bitch, ain't i?

Appreciate what he had done. At least, I am 50% convinced that he's not that block of wood after all, that is, if he wanna make an effort. Hahahaha. Why am I complaining? What more could I ask for? Hahaha...

Maybe to some of you, it wasn't a real romantic deal. But to me, it was sweet enough.

Love you baby.

:: Theatre of dreams ::

2007-01-16T01:49:00.000+08:00

Yes, I've been to the theatre of dreams! Old Traford Stadium at Manchester!
Was tired after the long flight the first day... so didn't go around much. I was even comtemplating not to go to the stadium the next day. But luckily, my boy convinced me to.

So, the three of us headed to the stadium. It was a pretty looong walk from the Old Traford Stadium. The bitter cold wind and the slight rain seems to make the journey even longer.

The grand Man Utd Entrance!

At the Man Utd Museum... some of their display...

The STADIUM!!!!!!!! It was awesome!!!

And I Lost my mind when I went into the players' changing room!

SEE! I told you i went bonkers.

:: reminiscence ::

2007-01-08T02:52:00.000+08:00

I had steamboat today!!! It feels great even though it wasn't the best deal around...I had the craving since last week, so at least this kinda satisfy me a little.

We went to Mind's cafe for some rounds of games earlier. It was once again hilarious. It's funny to see two 30-something still acting like a child and how these two old man crap ther way through, trying their every means and ways to let us die in every game. They are cunning and scheming!!!

At the dinner table, we talked about the sweet old memories of our days in Sweden. The silly games we played, the number of mahjong sessions, the stupid blanket bashings, the places we travelled, the funny jokes we created, the top ten list of things broken by ah bong. Yes, you read me correctly. I even kept a note on the number of things broken/spoilt/smashed/shattered by my dear Ah Bong. I gave her a name - 破坏天王! Its an atrocious list for a 6 months' stay!

It was really nice to reminisce the good old days with the rest of them again. Really made me miss those days! Those days when we were pretty much carefree, troubles free, and when time is not an issue at all. We had all the time in the world. How nice if we can relive those memories again. I mean, we can now, if we want to, isn't it? Since now G has an apartment by himself, we can always go up to his house, just like last time, and cooked, play games or watch DVDs. But i guessed, it is different when we are back in Singapore. Like what the rest said, they have other commitments. Be it family, boyfriend, work. However, I feel that we can always arrange it like once a month thingy. Yes, my wish is coming true. We are meeting again this coming saturday!! Gathering at G's house! Looking forward to it.

I can't help but to upload a video by G. We were at Kiruna, the very north of Sweden where the authentic Ice Hotel is. We were there for Dog sleighing, snow mobile and experiencing the wilderness in winter. A few of them and G were walking across the frozen lake to the little hut when some thing happened...

««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««

Met my lovely batch mates later after my dinner and had a very good chatting session.
Well, they are still the same... except... for..for...for...for...Jacobabeedoo. He kept saying he is fat and well...I played with his loose fats hanging on his arms. HHAHAHHAHHAAA.... SssHHhhiiiioooook!!!!!!!!!!

And...I can't help but to upload this video too. Oooopps!!

:: Back ::

2007-01-05T11:58:00.000+08:00

I'm back! It's been a while since I last posted. Well, as you might have guessed... I'm just being lazy, lazy, lazy and lazy. Heehee...There're so much things to say but I'm just too lethargic and lazy to post. Heehee.

Besides that, I've been busy with my brother's wedding earlier. Helping them to do their montages, dealing with the AV hiccups. But its done now. It has been a very heart warming event. It was our family's first time holding a wedding as my brother is the eldest. Somehow, I felt that this wedding brought all of us closer... So are all my younger cousins. We all really enjoyed this event and all of us seems to be more bonded than before. We even went out for a movie,...ALL the 15 cousins!! Ice-cream sessions at changi airport, coming to my house and laugh over the wedding videos... I'm so glad we live happily under one roof.

************************

As for my heart condition, I had a follow-up with my doctor a few days ago. he told me to continue my medication as it is controlling those PVCs rather well. So he gave me 1 year supply. When I went to the pharmacy, the pharmacist asked me if I wanted all the 1 year's supply or a few months first coz it cost $960 all together!!!!!! WAH KAU!! I got a shock and asked for 2 months of supply first. And you know what? I've to go back for another MRI session in this december and it bloody hell cost $800!!!!!

Anyway, doctor said I just need to come for follow-up regularly as mine wasn't a clear cut ARVD condition. It could be an early ARVD and you wouldn't know if it will manifest itsef in the coming years. Apparently, he said my PVCs is coming from the lower chamber of my ventricle (right side of my heart), and it is also where the extra "bump" (from the MRi result) is located. Hence he suspect that the PVCs is caused by this ARVD condition. Anyway, this extra "bump" is what they think it may contribute to an early ARVD. My ECG also indicated another sympton which my doctor will fax to USA and ask for their opinion, because apparently, ARVD is a rare condition in this part of the world, a mere 1% of the population here. It is more prevalent in Italy. ARVD is also a genetic condition, which means that there is a 50% chance that my off springs will inherit this.

This entire episode sounds scary isn't it? The doctor advised me to carry on my life as per normal since it is not serious that yet, especially my family do not have any history of sudden death. But he said if I faint for no rhyme or reason, I have to go back to him immediately. And not to put myself in a situation where I can't get help. I asked if I can go diving, he hesitated. Coz he said its not about the pressure under the sea, its about getting help should something happen in that environment.

So people..when you go out with me, and if I ever just collapse, please save me and tell the paramedics or medical personnel that I've ARVD condition. Heh heh.

Meanwhile...I'll cherish my life and live life to the fullest.

Have a great year ahead people. Stay healthy!

:: what's next? ::

2006-12-06T15:15:00.000+08:00

Latest latest!
Doc said even if by thurs, the PVCs (the extra electrical signals) still can't be curbed, I will be discharged. Mainly because, with the PVCs around, the MRI can't be done accurately. I just wonder why the damn medicine didn't work on me. If i can't do the MRI on thursday, what the doc suggest is to let me take home a small equipment (HL called it the "pager") in which it will record my heart rythm 24 hours. And i will have to go back to his clinic for follow-ups, which means I have to be grounded for a month. OMG.

I just wish all these tests and results can be done more quickly so that I can have a peace of mind. Well, actually, I'm not that worried. It is my mum who is very worried. She also worry about my younger sister who will be coming here for the same check-up in Jan next year. it doesn't make her feel better when my elder bro kept poking fun at my sis that she will be going thru the same treatment as me. hahaha.

All right, let me get this straight or else I will get confused again.
Doc told me he suspect ARVD but the chances are low. However, he still need to be precise. That is why i still need to go thru all these. I did a research on ARVD and this is what it stands for: Arrhythmogenic Right Ventricular Dysplasia. Simply put, ARVD is a genetic, progressive heart condition in which the muscle of the right ventricle is replaced by fat and fibrosis, which causes abnormal heart rhythms. Although it is a relatively uncommon cause of sudden cardiac death, it accounts for up to one fifth of sudden cardiac death in people under 35 years of age. (More info at http://www.arvd.com/q_a.html )

Sounds scary, isn't it? But HL told me his specialist also told him that he suspected him having ARVD too. But thru many tests, it still can't be deduced. In his perspective, he doesn't believe it coz he has been living well without any symptons.

I, then asked the doc, what are they looking for in the MRI. In the ARVD case, there are looking for any abnomality in the heart, eg, extra lump or missing lump. With the MRI reading, they can have a better and detailed picture of my heart and hence a better diagnose. So what if they found nothing abnormal?? Which means i only have PVCs? I have read that PVCs by itself is pretty harmless. Only when it is coupled by heart disease, it could be life-threatening. So perhaps I'll be fine. However, a check with the doc, she told me that my PVC is not really that normal coz it happen rather frequently. With these extra electrical signals, it might, in the long run, burn some holes here and there. Don't ask me what and why? I don't know..If i know, i won't be serving in the air. Oh wait, I haven't gone for the screening for the Marfan Syndrome, a congenital heart disease which my bro has, Hmmm....what are my chances?

So, what is exactly wrong with me?????????????????? This is getting irritating.

*********************************

He and I have different views when it comes to my condition. He felt that my parents should go for the ECG check as well. As long as the ECG indicate that my parents have the same damn thing, it means that it runs in my family. The fact that my parents have been living like this for the past 50 over years with no symptons, it simply means that i'll be fine too. In addition, before this, I have been living normally and heathily without any symptons or pain. So after i discharge, he felt that there is no need for me to go thru any more test and live life as i have before. He also doesn't like the fact that I am eating those damn medicine which is directly targetting at my heart, the vital organ of a human body. As the doc said, the medicine might cause a further uneven heart rythim, he's even more worried that some other complications of the heart will appear. Besides, after some research, we found out that there is no known cause and no known cure for such conditions. Hence, he felt that the doc could be just using me as an experiment, number that adds to his statistic.

However, I beg to differ a little. I feel that every individual is different. Even if my parent does have the same thing & nothing happens to them, it doesn't mean that it won't happen to me. Not finding out what exactly it is, doesn't put me in a safer position coz apparently, there is something abnormal. If i dun find out what is wrong with me and take preventive measure, the day when i find out what exactly is wrong, it would be the day i collapse. So would it be better if I find out now... or later?

Yes, the doc may not have come across what I'm having now as he said it is a rare case (HL said every doc also said it's a rare case. haha). Yes, the doc may be just using me;may be doing these trial and error tests, just to find out what exactly is wrong. In the end, I may be just a number in his statistic. BUT, isn't it good for the mankind? If one day, he ever discover what is wrong, then future patients will have an easier time, isn't it?

Oh well... we'll see. More updates later....

Stay healthy and be safe people.

Cheerios.

:: Ward 56, Bed 11 ::

2006-12-04T09:59:00.000+08:00

EERrr...NO, u didn't see wrongly. I'm STILL here. Just that i have shifted to Bed 11.
Why????? Well, that depends on whether u wanna hear the hospital's reason or our very own deduction.

Hospital:
They changed the medicine that is needed to curb the PVCs that I'm having in order to have a more accurate MRI test. Apparently, the medicine previously was not able to curb it, even with an increased dosage. How stubborn my heart is!!

The MRI is tentatively set on Thursday but they are trying to push for tuesday which is tommorrow. The MRI is to find out the structure of my heart..to see if they are normal. I did the ultrasound on saturday..and the report said that it is good, except that one of my valve is not working properly...but that's fine.

So.. they have changed to a stronger medicine, and with that, there might be some side effects. Hence, i still need to stay on for them to monitor. The medicine was said to cause a more serious uneven heart rythm if taken long term. But the doc assessed the risk, and felt that I won't be affected.

With all these going around, i suddenly forgot why I need to go thru all these testings. Why ah? What are they trying to achieve or determine?? The cause of my obstinate PVCs? Or if i have a heart disease?? EERrrr?

Our own deduction:
Hospital just want our money. Ok, as simple as that. Need more explanation???

************************************
Got bored in the room and we started playing with my web cam. Some pictures that we took. Do I look a BIT SICK at all?????
Hahahhaa

:: Ward 56, Bed 14 ::

2006-12-01T16:10:00.000+08:00

Right..I can't believe im writing this in NUH..at ward 56, Bed 14.
Im tapping on NUS network. Thank goodness there is connection or else i'll be bored to death.

Ok..so u wanna know what happened?

It began with a simple goal. To go for the check-up which my bro's specialist suggested.
You see, my bro was disgnosed with a congenital heart disease called Marfan Syndrome..and its hereditary. Hence, the specialist would like us to come for a check-up. And so that's what i did. ( more info on the syndrome - http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4672)

Little did i know that my ECG reading turned out ABNORMAL. The doc explained to me...but..hmm...i can't really explain it here. He warded me and put me under observation for 24 hours..in order to gather more info. It may or may not be a life threatening issue... I may seem fine now but its hard to say. So they would like to find out the cause and do a risk assessment for me. And so that's why I'm here.

They hook me up with a portable equipment which i duno what it is called. Anyway, it is supposed to monitor my heart for 24 hours...I can walk around coz its wireless!! SO cool!

I thought after the 24 hours monitoring, they would conclude and discharge me today. But little did i know, the consultant who specialised in heart rythm told me they found some extra "thingy" on my 2 lower chambers of my heart. it could be potentially dangerous. oh..its called the "PVC"...Dont ask me what does it stand for. They would like me to go thru ultrasound and MRI testing... They wanna see if my heart is normal...So this means,,,I have to stay for another day!!!!

Boring!!!

Oh..and the best thing is...they said this could be a standalone case!! Not related to the Marfan syndrome! Which means that i have to come back again to go thru the Marfan Syndrome testing next time. Hmm...but then again, it could well be related...coz my bro has an abnormal ECG too!

Oh well...i dunno...Just hope everything will be fine.

:: photos photos ::

2006-11-03T14:39:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago, i went to New York. Somehow...I like that place. Didn't take many pictures with my little ~~useless~~ camera coz most of them were taken professionally by my favourite team boy. And...NO...I have not gotten the pics yet!

****************************************************

Athens

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Beijing

I just went to Beijing 2 days ago. Like what L said, I think that's gonna be my best Beijing trip ever! We had a feast during lunch and its CHEAP!!! Peking duck, crispy chicken, vegetables and a lovely banana dessert which is dipped in HOT boiling caramel! The thought of the food makes me hungry, drool and choke on my own saliva. Haha!

Here's how to eat the famous Peking Duck, proudly brought to you by L.

1. Spread some sauce onto the Popiah skin &
put about 2 pieces of duck meat & cucumber on it.

2. Roll the skin together with filling in it.

3. Wrap it tightly.

4. Lastly, EAT IT!!!

THE DESSERT!!! ITS SUPERB!!

Forbidden City

Mao Zu Xi Wan Sui! kekeke!

:: Apple apple ::

2006-11-03T14:04:00.000+08:00

Have I told you lately....that I love MacBook??

YES! I just bought myself a MacBook despite I have been Windows-trained all these while. Wanna have a change...A Mac PC is something which I have been rationally rejecting during my school life. It just makes more dollar and cents to have a windows because everyone else is using windows & so...more convenient too.

So now that I'm out of this whole school scene...I decided to listen to my calling.
Haha..Oh well...the truth is...I couldn't resist its design. It take some time getting used to but hey, I'm loving it.

:: Fuming mad ::

2006-10-24T19:49:00.000+08:00

Imagine this situation.
He came over to my house and as we were about to leave, I informed my bro (he's in the toilet) that i'll be using the Honda as I couldn't find the key for Spark. Guess what my bro replied? "Don't make my car SMELLY!" in chinese. I was totally disgusted by that response. And you think this person here doesn't understand chinese? We just leave the house without driving.

Luckily, he was cool about it and he can understand.

But I was fuming mad! First of all, the car doesn't belong to my bro! It's my dad coz he paid for it! I have never ever claim that the car is mine even though i drove it. That aside, I have, all along knew he doesn't like any other people other than his own race, BUT that doesn't give him the right to be RUDE! Especially when that person is here and he understand chinese!!
I just think it was toally uncalled for.

When i came home later, he wanted to have a talk with me. He reiterate the fact that he doesn't him (well he never like any of my boyfriends even though they are chinese). But I told him I knew and there's nothing I can do about it. He said since the day i made this decision, i should have known that people will look at me in a different way. And that I have to accept that he won't accept him. Well, the thing is I thought through all these and I know what I am into. Well he also talked about other things.

He even said I should spare a thought for my parents..that I am upsetting them by doing these. Guess what? I know all along..that's why i have been hesitating to tell them after these years..just to make sure this relationship is going to be certain. Well, now...my parents have seen him, they have talked to me..and they have seemed to be ok with him already. So I told my bro i have spoken to my parents and they are ok already. However, my bro said that they are ok because I am their daughter and they love me. But if I were to really asked them, deep down they won't be ok.

So what am i suppose to do? I dun purposely go and look for someone that my parents or my bro doesn't like. It just happened! And its not like the person is some crook or thief or some gangsters!

Sigh. I never expect my bro to like him and i told him..if there ever gonna be this day, its a bonus. But till now, I have never expect the day to come.

And then ultimately, he said he hoped i know what I am doing and don't make my parents worry anymore. Of coz i know that!

And I never forget this comment he made some time ago, that if I ever marry him and become a muslim, he will treat it as he has never had this sister before.

Sometimes I feel so angry about it. Sometimes I feel sad. Tell me what have i done wrong? Just because I love someone who is not my race, not of the same religion? And is this person less humane than anyone of my own race and religion?
Tell me where have i done wrong.

:: Do you believe in Zodiac?::

2006-10-02T23:28:00.000+08:00

Do you believe in star signs?
I do! But to a certain extent. Somehow through my observation, i realised that people of the same sign share similar traits or characteristics of that sign. However, i surely do not believe in those crap where they predict about what your day or year is gonna be.

Hmm...so if you wanna know how this irritatingly-annoying-inquisitive Aries (me!!) works....read this coz i think its pretty true for me:
(Ps: Let me know if you want to have your sign posted. Its too long for me to paste everything here..so on request..)

ARIES WOMAN
She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one.(true!!) She think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed.

If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing or mixture of character.

Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other people that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, nothing will stop her.

Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she choose you, she will need to be proud of you. (so true!!)

"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is "Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. (yea!!) She is also very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do not want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. (of course!!)

She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. ("_")'

You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a "Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her beautiful imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan.

A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure.

If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person,but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing it.

:: Overdue ::

2006-10-01T21:06:00.000+08:00

Had some wine with Jenn yesterday and had a long chat. Talk about almost everything and anything. Well, of course, the topic of men and relationship kept us busy cursing and swearing. Sometimes, we just dun understand some men. Oh well, i must admit sometimes i dun understand myself too. So both of us were basically chatting about such stuff..trying to figure out some issues.

Have you ever waited long for certain things to happen but when it actually happen, you just dun feel the same anymore? It's like its long overdue. The mood is lost, the feeling is gone.. but isn't this what you have been waiting for?

I have been wanting to go for holidays during this leave. Because of certain problems in his work, we couldn't set a date to it. I was really looking very forward to it. But he just couldn't give me an answer. So finally, I'm sick of asking and convinced myself that i'll be staying put on this island. However, a call from him yesterday told me that he had settled the problem and we'll be able to go somewhere from mon to wed. Guess what? I've totally lost the interest, the mood and feeling. Now I just wanna go no where.

Why? I thought this is what i've been waiting for? I guess what they say is right. Timing is important. (I guess the guys would say "women are hard to please"?)

Like my pal who's been waiting for something to happen for some time. In fact, she's used to the wait. So much so that she told me if things really happen one day, she wonder what would she do...probably she will reject the idea.

Life is such an irony, isn't it? Life is such a bitch.

:: what's going on? ::

2006-09-29T03:47:00.000+08:00

Ever ever found yourself in a situation when u dun understand yourself? Like suddenly u wake up and ask yourself just what the fuck have you been doing? And you dunno what the fuck you are feeling? Nothing major happened...nothing nasty happened.... but "nothing" seems to have wake you up a little. Is this accumulative? or is it a one-off? And is there anything i can do? Or should i even do anything? What if... its temporary? What if...all wasn't what it is now?

I SO FUCKING HATE WHATEVER I'M FEELING NOW. So fucking hate.

Someone sent this:
If you don't act on love, your love is going to eventually die out, or "drown".
Means that maybe there is comfort in sorrow. Maybe sadness is a way of life. You learn to live with it so it's uncomfortable when it's not there. Over time, 'through a pin-hole leak' you're love for something is going to die. While you contemplate if you're f'd up or not, you let enough sorrow in to kill your love and happiness.

************************

Came back from Frankfurt and New York. Damage was a shameless $2500 over. Bought a wallet and a bag....Kinda "reward" myself for the probation is over. :p

Not much photos coz i didn't use my camera. It was an enjoyable trip with my new team. I love team flights. I love my team.
************************

Met up with the guys for dinner. Then suddenly they have to head home. ABRUPTLY.
I dun wanna go home coz i feel bothered. Want to hang around more so i called my neighbour.
Luckily, he's free. Went to meet another friend whom i haven't see for freaking 5 years!!!! I didn't even realised that!! Time really flies, dun they!! Hmm... He still look and feel the same. For sure he still SOUND the same! I remembered I told him i love his voice 5 yearas ago...So deep and sexy...i can go mad just by listening to his voice. hahhahaa~

Anyway, it's good to see an old friend again. Glad he's enjoying all his travel adventures.
************************

ok...i can't fucking sleep.

:: Reflections of Bukit Chandu, Old Ford Factory ::

2006-09-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

Yes...I love museums. In the recent years, Singapore has opened and renovated a few museums. Being a Singaporean, i guess i ought to know more about my own country...After all, the Singapore Girl should know about her own homeland, isn't it? But that's beside the point lah. I am interested in museums and more often than not, I like visiting these places in other countries to have a deeper understanding of their history and culture.

I have always wanted to go the Reflections of Bukit Chandu, where the fiercest battle was fought; where the line of battle was; where our very own hero was born.

I strongly reccommend that you guys should go there one day. I really learned a lot of our history, more about War World II from there. How come i don't seem to remember studying all these in my history classes in secondary one and two??? I felt very ashamed of myself...that i hadn't know this earlier.

At this museum, there is a show at certain timings that depict the situation back then. I was totally touched by it. In fact, i teared.

Story of the Bukit Chandu Battle
Bukit Chandu was where the last line of defence before the British surrendered and where the Malay Regiment, led by Lt Adnan, fought bravely. At midnight, as they were guarding at the foot of the hill, they saw some soldiers coming in who dressed like the Punjabis (own Indian Army). It was Lt Adnan who sensed that that wasn't the usual Punjabis formation and ordered his men to fire. Indeed, it was the Japanese who disguised themselves. The japanese general, Yamashita, was furious that his soldiers were killed, called on a full force to charge the hill. Lt Adnan expected them to come back and rallied his soldiers to fight bravely. As the Japanese soldiers charged, Lt Adnan and his men ran out of ammunition and medical supplies. His men were asking him for an action. That was when he said guns were not their only weapon, the knives and their fist were just as lethal. And that was when they put on their bravest hand-to-hand fighting which resulted in massive casualties. Lt. Adnan urged his men to persist and refused to surrender. Of course, in the end, they lost.

The japanese ordered them to surrender and take out their uniforms. They refused and held on to their motto: Ta'at Setia, which means Loyal and True. The resistance of the Malay Regiment angered the Japanese, and when they captured Lt Adnan, they dragged and pushed him into a gunnysack. The Japanese soldiers then hung him by his legs on a cherry tree and then bayoneted him again and again. His throat was slit repeatedly. Even after the battle, no one was allowed (or dared) to bring his body for burial.

In addition, there was a point when they Japanese took their anger out at the nearby Alexander Hospital. They killed everyone they saw there...a total of about 150 to 200 innocent patients and hospital staff were killed. I was furious when I learned about this!

This is our very own hero *salutes*:
http://www.answers.com/topic/adnan-bin-saidi

This is what I just found out:

Damn, they should have persist a little more ya?

You wanna see the villian, Yamashita? I know i shouldn't this when i see him...but but but i just couldn't help it:
HAHAHAHAHA!

Memories at Old Ford Factory

ok, honestly, I don't really feel much about this place except for its AV theatre and shows as well as that that is the exact place when Percival signed our surrender agreement to Yamashita.

There are many newspaper clipping displayed...and i feel confused just by looking at it. Its too lengthy ah. However, what i like about this place is their short clips on the various parts of the war. What i recommend is clip on "The bukit Chandu Battle". It is an animation by Nanyang Polytechnic and i must say its commendable. I could not only visualised what happened back then, but also feel the emotions inside of me. I tried to hold back my tears. I'm such a cry baby isn't it. But really...it really is touching! I always watch these war time movies...always feel touched by their heroic and selfless acts.... Little did i know such things happened on my very own home land too. I'm very touched and...very proud.

OK...another new thing I've learned:
Alien = Chinese??

:: Zurich, Swiss ::

2006-09-16T19:47:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone...I think its high time for me to update my blog already. Had been....ermm... ~~busy~~ lazy actually. heh heh.

Yes yes, so i have been to Zurich and back. I called it the Land of Chocolates and Alps. It is a nice little town...not much things to do... And probably that's why i spent almost 80bucks on CHOCOLATES!!! And the best thing is... i don't really eat chocolates. So who do i buy it for? Anyone! Anyone whom i'm meeting for after i came back from Zurich. Oh..of course for my family and my most beloved fatty cousin.

I wanted to take the Alps tour but i didn't bring any winter clothing (coz its summer now!). Next time then! So we took the Heidi land tour. Hmm... The embarassing thing is...when we reached the original Heidi place...I wasn't aware that Heidi is actually a very famous children's story!! All along i thought Heidi land is just a small cottage town..little did i know that that is where Heidi (i don't even know the existence of Heidi!!) came from. Some kinda of childhood i had. heh.

Anyway, enjoy the pics:

The pics that made my trip:

:: Live to Work, Work to Live ::

2006-08-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

I came back from the movie "The Devil wears Prada". It was only a so-so film... But it makes me ponder something what he always preach. Do you work to live, or live to work??
How many of us fall into the category of "work to live" in Singapore? Is that good...or is that bad?

I look at my parents and i think to myself. If they can raise their three children up and see them to university just by being a hawker (which they have to work very very hard), I don't see why many of us who are earning probably 2500 to 3000 or higher can't....in fact, i think they can...with a certain level of comfort some more ~ meaning these people can afford to buy a house and a car.

He will beg to differ. "Yes they can afford but these people here HAVE to work...in order to pay for their mortgages, car loan, or whatever loans they get themselves into. They can't afford to lose their job!" Well, there seem to have a certain truth in them. People get themselves into many loans which they can afford...but they can't lose their job...they can't afford to stop working...And will they have enough savings for the future?

Of late, he and I have been discussing about buying a car. Come to think of it, between a car and house, I'll prefer to buy a house than a car since the car isn't really mine after 10 years...and with the increasing fuel prices, car park, road tax...is it still worthwhile even though u can jolly well afford. Not that I don't want a car..Not that i can't afford...I LOVE to have car...and often dream about the car i wanna buy. However, at this point in time, I would rather have a solid roof over my head, especially when i just step into the workforce. I guess i ought to save up first for my future....wedding...honeymoon...house...renovation...holidays...kids education...all these need MOOLA!!!! I wanna live comfortably with a certain level of savings of course, and without worrying about making both ends meet each month....even though when I'm outta job for some time. Now? Cash is KING.

Car?? Dun worry...I'm sure i'll get it one day with much ease.

The show also kinda reminds me of my previous job. He always complained that my working hours are long...unappreciative boss, deal with politics, and with all of these, it wasn't accompanied by a good pay. So perhaps my current job is not that bad after all. I'm sure if he is reading what i've just wrote, he would be smiling and thinking "AHhhh...finally she realised!" or... "See! See! I told you so! Your current job is a lifestyle job!"

Yes honey, i agree with you. But it doesn't mean its all that bad for an office job.

Well, it all depends on what you really want and your priorities. If a person love his/her job, it doesn't matter if he/she is slogging..coz to her, it ain't work anymore. He/she is enjoying it even though he/she might not be highly paid.

But of course, I think you shouldn't be so obsessed with you work till your own personal life is jeopardised. You still need your own time to unwind... catch up with family and friends. After all, life is very short! You can't just leave this world without enjoying life, without discovering the beauties of life, without exploring life! Please don't leave it till the last quarter of your life to realise this...else it would have been a wasted trip on earth. So go on! Go ahead enjoy the life you want it! You don't come to this world to become a work slave! You don't get a second chance, do you?

So..do you want to live to work, or work to live? :)

:: outings ::

2006-08-27T14:10:00.000+08:00

Sunday trail at Nusajaya
Some time back, he finally brought me to trail, where he used to wander.
At last, i got to wear the suit he bought for me....like...erm........early this year?
It was fun as a pillion rider. But i think it would even be great if I'm the rider myself. Unfortunately, I dunno how to handle a bike. HEH.

Should i learn how to ride? Even though i don't intend to ride on road?
Or should i learn the tricks from him and ride off-road?

Malay Heritage Centre
Just a few days ago, we dropped by Malay Heritage Centre to have a look.
I always love museums. Love to know the history, love to know what shapes a country's culture, love to know how the people used to live. I'm always amazed by the interesting facts that I discovered in there.

The Malay Heritage Centre is still pretty new. The collections aren't as big as those in Asian Civilisation Museum...but its...good enough..its entrance fee is only $3!! The centre is used to be the palace of the Sultan of Singapore. They had restored it in a pretty good condition. Hmm... Learned a fair bit of what the different group of malays did in the past. Interesting!

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Next target? ------------> The old Ford Factory which have converted to another museum.

:: Roma ::

2006-08-22T20:11:00.000+08:00

Back from Roma, Italy, a country I really adore!!
Love the culture, love the history, love the architects, love the food, love the people...
People are simply friendly and always willing to help when you looked puzzled.
Even when there is language problem, they don't just walk away...
In fact, i've been approached by two strangers. It's funny.

One of them is the secuirty personnel at the entrance of Musei Vaticani (Vatican Museum where it also leads to the famous Sistine Chapel). He looked and smiled at me as i walked thru the security check point. The he turned and said shyly..."You're beautiful." Hahhaaa....
I almost burst into laughter and rolled onto the floor. But i think i should maintain this "beautiful" image for him. Just for him. :)
Then as Louis went up to explore (since i had already been here 2 years ago), I sat there with two other gals. The Museum was about to close and security personnel were asking the people staying in the hall (where we were) to exit. So these 2 fellow came up and told us to leave in his broken english and very strong italian accent.

Security guy 1: Ex..suse me, Madam....the musei is closing....you....have to leave.....
Me: Ok...but where is the exit?
Security guy 1: Oh...my bro..ther, (pointing at the guy who made the "beautiful" comment), will show you the way.. *wink*
I saw the other guy blushing. I smiled and made my way thru on my own. Hahaha...
Damn! he's cute and I should have waited for him to lead me out instead.

The second incident happend as I was looking for a shop that sells mask for my bro and sis-in-law. At the corner of my eye, I saw this guy walking beside me and kept looking at my direction...I walked several steps more and he maintained the same pace. Finally, i turned and he quickly smiled and asked where I am from, blah blah blah...And his name is Antonio! (He's cute too....Ooooh how i love italian guys!!) Unfortunately, his english is really poor...and i know nothing about italian. I think he tried to ask me where I'm going or whatever....I just can't answer him. In the end, we shook hands and off I went into the shop. What a waste!! I wanna learn italian!!! Hahahhaa... Anne would have encouraged me to since her boyfriend is an italian!
Hmm...Probably if Jenn is around, she would've gotten his email, his number or even a dinner date...:'( Where is she when i needed her??!?!?!?

This place is overwhelmed by tourist everyday!!
No matter where i go (in the town of course other than our secluded hotel!!!) i see tourist.
And its PACKED, even on a weekday! I wonder how much revenue does tourism industry in italy generate in each year.

I just love Italy. I hope to go there again. But this time round, i hope to get the Milan flight so I'm able to visit Venice again! Hmm...i don't mind Rome...Perhaps then i can drive down to the beautiful Firenze (Florence)!
(ooooh, i've made a wish at the Trevi fountain so i shld be going back again!)

Ciao~

The Roman Colosseum (or Flavian Amphitheater )

Outside St Basillica at Vaitcan city...where the pope is!

Fontana Di Trevi.

Supposedly if you make wish here (accompanied by the tossing of a coin into the fountain), you'll come back to Italy again. 2 years ago, i did that, and here I am 2 years later. :)

Hmm..a lamppost(with a missing lamp) at Fontona Di Trevi

At Palentine near Colosseum

The famous Spanish Steps

:: The break-up ::

2006-08-17T18:21:00.000+08:00

Finally, the show, The break-up started screening! i just went to watch the movie, which i have been waiting for months!!

It was kinda nice....not exactly the light-hearted romance comedy that you are hoping to see. Instead, you will experience lotsa squabbling and non-stop quarrels....almost everything....and little things. And somehow it kinda resembles the relationship i had with him in the first 2 years of our relationship. While Brooke sacrificed her time and made effort beyond her own expectations to please Gary, Gary took those for granted unknowingly and never had cared for her. They do things together..Oops...They do things according to what GARY wants and never had Gary offer to bring her to ballet, which is what she likes. So one day it got out of hand, and Brooke decided to call it quits. But they were still staying together in the same condo. So lotsa things happened and Gary realised how important Brooke is to him. So he tried to win her back.

While i was watching the show, i can't help but to relate it to myself. It was so similar! The issues between me and him, Brooke and Gary. It was good that in the end, both him and Gary realised the importance of the gal in their lives, showed their regrets and made an effort to make things better. hahaha.

There is this particular phrase by Brooke (Jennifer Ainston) to Gary (Vince Vaugh) that caught my attention: "I want you to want to do the dishes!" Then Gary replied "Why do i want to do the dishes!?!?" Sigh.. You see..Men don't see BEYOND the surface!! There are many times women hope their men can take their initiative to do things for them. But they can never get the hint! So often, he will say "i believe in communicating...just tell us what to do." BUT come on!!! If we were to tell u this and that, it wouldn't be the same anymore right? And that's what women hates. It should be come from your own willingness, from your own heart...coz then it showed that you bloody care enough to WANT to do the dishes or share any things! Sigh! Men just don't get it...do they?

Anyway, throughout the show, it just reminded me of those rough times we had together and the time when i really felt enough was enough. I even cried when Brooke broke down...when she had given up hope on Gary. I felt so much for her.

However, what was comforting is that...the man that sat next to me throughout, is still the same man who had gone thru all these shits together. Ooops, I beg your pardon, he's now a changed man.

Thank you, honey. Muacks.

***************************************
All rightey, gonna prepare for flight to Rome...Yay! love to be in Rome once again!
***************************************

It seems like many things happen to my friends lately...
Darren..please take care of yourself.
And Jenn, hope your injury is getting better and looking beautiful with each passing day.
Jacob...Forget about the bitches and think of Jenn and I, the beautiful princesses in your heart. If you can't find them, search harder and deeper in your heart!! Everything will be all right, all right???

Ciao!

:: just feel like.... ::

2006-08-09T21:39:00.000+08:00

Just feel like I'm in love again...
With the same person of course.
Sweet.

:: Christchurch, New Zealand adventure.::

2006-08-09T12:45:00.000+08:00

FrankFurt Pics:

Christchurch, New Zealand:
We took the TansAlpine train ride to a small town. The main attraction is the 9 hours scenic train ride (round trip). We passed by a lot of lovely scenery...the alps...the river...and valley....It was simply awesome. However, the cold was extremely unbearable. To take a good picture, you gotta go to the last cabin where there's no windows... Tell me, with a weather of about 10degrees and the constant wind blowing onto your face....how to take a pic??!?Especially when my hands turned numb once i took them out. Sigh...

We took another tour the next day. To a little town named Akaroa...if i'm not wrong i heard there're only about 800 or less residents. It was a lovely and a much worthwhile trip. Just 30bucks! We took a coach there. On our way to Akaroa, there were several attaction stops... The beach and the little workshop.
Went to the top of the mountain, overlooking the valley.
Then to Akaroa town.

Once upon a time, a man came to live on this island near the beach. He picked up a stone and ponder what he can do with it. By chance, he discovered he can polish them and sell. From then on, it has become his passion, his work, his life. The second picture showed this man and what he had picked up...the jaw of a whale!! He, ingeniously, made a wall out of these stones...

Some random pics...

At the top of the mountain, we had some complimentary warm wine...had a cup of coffee, mushroom pie and scone. Imagine...the cold weather...sitting inside a cafe on top of the mountain with a magnificent view over the valley...with clear blue skies....the aromatic smell of coffee and fresh air...delicious pie and scone. Nice.

:: emptiness ::

2006-07-28T12:05:00.000+08:00

Came back from Frankfurt. Bought some real german cheese sausages which i had two yesterday!! It was delicious!!! I did walk around Frankfurt but there ain't much things to look at anyway. Plus..it was so damn HOT that it made us sick. Just wanna get back to the hotel that's all.

*******
Feeling a bit...empty. Recently, just thinking about whether i should quit my job.
Lots of things in my mind.
*confused*
*******
Just heard from my ex, Eric, had a 4 month old son now!
I'm happy for him coz that was what he wanted. At least that was what he claimed when we were together last time.
Felt a little weird when he told me this after he started to message me in friendster suddenly...after so long of no contacting...
Hmm...??
*******
Broke the news to my parents. Dad seems a little more receptive while my mum is more like disappointed. Dad seems more understanding and pointed out some of his concerns for my future if i choose to carry on the relationship. I'm glad. But my mum.......... Sigh.

I feel like crying but tears just can't come out.
It takes time i know and i shouldn't be impatient, given the tricky situation.
Me, being me... just wanna be accepted in the family or even the society.
I knows some mindsets are difficult to change. And i would really appreciate it if fellow beings don't judge anyone based on superficial value. After all, who are you to judge? Is your race a more superior race? Is that what you think just because you are the majority here? And i simply don't understand why some people will detest others that does not come from their circle when they don't even know that person. Just coz of the difference in colour? And then they CONVENIENTLY succumb to the stereotype syndrome rather than knowing that person first before making a judgement. Isn't that a little.................shallow? I know there bound to have stereotypes, be is good or bad. But...at least be a little more open or receptive when an opportunity comes along? Why pass a judgement so fast?

He and i know that we need to make an extra mile...do alot more things in order to be accepted, as compared to others. He's very willing and is being very positive. Im so glad and relieved.

I just wish i have a easier time ahead.

I hope i have your blessings.

Sigh.
*******
Wonderful - By Everclear
Hey, ain't life wonderful? Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful...
Isn't everything wonderful now?"

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so bigI just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

NoNo, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
NoNo, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...

I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
*******

:: Jaded ::

2006-07-20T00:44:00.000+08:00

Getting sick of meeting sick people or rather colleagues.
It kinda made me feel jaded about people. Generally.
*****

I hate ranks.
I hate people who pull their ranks.
I hate people who bring themselves higher by degrading others by using their pea-brain and foul mouth.
I hate bitches. Go home and sleep with snake. Deserve no respect at all.
YOU. i hope u see your karma soon.

AARGGGHH! Screw you. Bye.

*****

:: JaO JaO PeeO PeeO ::

2006-07-14T15:17:00.000+08:00

JaO JaO PeeO PeeO.
JIBBERISH! These were what I've picked up from my irritating-yet-adorable team boy. Damn. So easily influenced! DArn you Louis.
********************

Came back from Hong Kong and Sans Francisco. And i must say...I'd WHALE of a GOOD TIME!! Woohooo!!! Eat and shop eat and shop! And Snap Snap Snap!! Oh..I learnt some techniques of photography from Louis...the pro pro photographer.
Flights were tough. But i kept myself going by looking forward to the places i wanna to go once i reached there. It's worth it. It's worth it!!!Totally!

Hong Kong. My First time. Though didn't really been to much sight-seeing places, kinda enjoy myself at the peak, taking the ferry to hong kong island... eating at the small joints....eating Dim Sum and SHOPPING!!!! Louis and I spent one whole freaking day at Causeway Bay shopping!! OMG! Oh ya..something worth mentioning:

Louis is always in dark colours...mainly brown and black...and still is i guess. I didn't figure out what was wrong with that until I forced him to wear a PINK tee-shirt which i so god-damn-love. And he looked entirely different!!! So refreshing and vibrant!!!!!! And guess what he did?? HIDE behind the door of the fitting room!! coz he was so SHY about wearing a bright or rather a pinkie shirt!? And kept saying its gayish no MATTER HOW MANY TIMES i assured him! Tried to pull him outta fitting room but he freaked out once he saw people outside. NOW that's what i called Girlie! Let me show u the pic!! Doesn't he looks so much nicer, without that expression of course!?!

Pictures taken in Hong Kong:Streets of Hong Kong

MTR Ride, Cable Car ride and Ferry Ride

Kowloon Park & The Peak

********************
Sans Francisco. Though i have been there several years ago, it felt entirely different this time. The weather was perfect. Birds flying around..clear blue sky...People are nice.... Summer. Nice.
We rented a car and travelled to Napa Valley, a small town where there are many vineyards. Before heading to a particular vineyard, we drop by Muir Woods, a national park.

Then we went to Robert Mondavi vineyard/winery. Had a small tour there..and it was an eye opener. I learnt how to differentiate the different variety of grapes...how the grapes were slowly processed into wine....Of coz, we had some wine tasting. Splendid. Oh...and bought a bottle of cabernet savignon, the specialty of Robert Mondavi, for Daniel.

After a day of travelling, we went back hotel and continue to shop! Almost went berserk in Abercrombie. Felt like buying the whole shop. Hahaha...Damn..why is it so expensive!!! In the end, i had to really think hard to choose the ones i wanna buy. And louis wasn't there to STOP ME!!! (oh well, we lost control when we went back Hong Kong...)
Anyway, the next day we went sight-seeing..He brought along his "Tua Leng Gong" aka his big long SLR camera. Went to Lompard street and fisherman's wharf. Had a cruise ride around Alcatrax island. And he taught me several techniques on the camera. Wow..really an enriching trip indeed! The weather was lovely lovely lovely.

I'M LOVING IT!!!

:: abu abu abu dhabiiii ::

2006-07-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

I had a super looong stay in Abu Dhabi, the capital of the UAE last week.
I tried searching online the places to sightsee...but to my dismay, not much info was found. WHAT A SHAME!! Instead, what pops out most were those places in Dubai...which is a good 2hr taxi ride from Abu Dhabi..and cost about 70SGD (one way). Wanted to go over Dubai as Jenn was there at the same time. But the taxi fare was too steep for us... So we stayed put.

Roy, my leading, called me up early in the morning. We had buffet breakfast downstairs and had a suuuuper long chat...from 9am all the way till 2pm! It was nice...and ya..i think i know his family and his life pretty well now. He's such a jovial person..not only he made me laughed, he made the waitresses there laughed as well. Basically, he just makes everyone at ease. He just couldn't stop talking. Over at dinner one night with other colleagues and pilots, the captain challenged him to try stop talking for a minute. Ha..He just couldn't do it. Hahahaa...
So anyway, Roy accompanied to do some sight-seeing after i found out from the conceirge what's interesting here. They do have some desert tours... And so we took up one of them.

We went to the sand dunes by Toyota LandCruiser....and we literally crrruuuuisssse on the sand!! We went up and down the dunes in the Jeep! It was like a roller coaster ride and I'M LOVING IT!!! Now I'm even MORE SURE i will get a Jeep next time!!!Woohooo...

After that adventure in the sand, we were taken to a "base camp" where we have several activities there. I tried on the arabian women costumes... tried to do the sand boarding but end up stucking there and ate lotsa sand!!! Rode a camel as well..but not for very long... And lastly we had our dinner there. The typical arabian food...It was excellent!!! What a tiring night!

For the next 2 days, i just went out shopping at the mall. (yes....again??) Coz they are having sale there! (dun bullshit lah Val..that's just excuses). But but.....oh well... There's nothing to do over there anyway...

(yah yah..you brought your swimming costumes u could have swam...brought your laptop n could at least update your blog?)

Oooops!!!

:: anyone? ::

2006-07-03T12:04:00.000+08:00

Let's see if this works...

If you comment on this post:

1. i’ll respond with something random about you
2. i’ll challenge you to try something
3. i’ll pick a color that i associate with you
4. i’ll tell you something i like about you
5. i’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. i’ll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. i’ll ask you something i’ve always wanted to ask you
8. if i do this for you, you must post this on yours

:: Nanjing ::

2006-07-02T13:03:00.000+08:00

Aarrgh!!! My Argentina lost!!! The referee is really such a jackass!! But it's a no wonder anyway coz the Germans are in their own country. Its so unfair!! My blood almost boiled when the referee made several unfair judgement. Aargh!! To make things worse, BRASIL is OUT!!!!! Oh my god! What's there to watch now??? However, what made me feel a little better is that ENGLAND is out!! HAhahahhahaa!!!

Anyway, been back from Nanjing..2 weeks ago.. It was really a nice and fruitful trip. Even though i have been to most of the places before, it's always different when you re-visit it again after a few years. This time round, i learnt more of the china's history than before. It's really interesting to know what happened in the past and how certain beliefs or culture came about. I guess that's what travelling is all about! Isn't it?

Highlights of the trip:

Dr Sun Yat Sen's Mausoleum

There are about 392 steps all together up to where he is buried. Why the number? Coz at the time he passed away, there were about these millions of citizens in China. Who is Dr Sun Yat Sen? He's the one who over threw the dynasty...and build the republic of China....until the communist took over. He then fled to Taiwan and build the empire there. According to the tour guide, he told me that Dr Sun had came to this mountain before and in terms of the chinese Feng Shui beliefs, this is an excellent place. Hence, it had been said that he wanted to bury here when he passed away.

Ming's Tomb

Now, what many people know is that there are many tombs from the Ming dynasty found in Beijing. What you may not know is that the very FIRST emperor of the Ming dynasty "Zhu Yuan Zhang" is buried here in Nanjing. Yes..just a stone throw away from Dr Sun's Mausoleum.
Now this pic shows a creature made up of a dragon's head, tortise's body, snake's tail and phoneix's claw. According to the guide, he said that this is a very bad creature, son of a King of Sea (Hai Long Wang), who had done many bad deeds. With the emperor's tablet on top of this bad creature, it symbolises that no matter how bad the creature is, the emperor is still more powerful.

Nanjing Massarcre

You wouldn't believe how many chinese were killed during this massacre. 20million!! That's 5 times that of Singaporeans now!!! These 3 sculptures represented how some of them were tortured..Buried alive.... small children were killed....women being raped....

This museum actually displayed the actual victim's bones. This place, in fact, was one of the buried location. Victims were buried layers by layers, one on top of another, separated by sand. Excavation was done during the early 80's.... It is believed that there were much more buried beneath where we walked...

QingHuai River

I love walking along this street beside the river. It is also here where you can find the Confusious's temple. Most of the buildings here were actually brothels in the past.... where many scholars or the upper class of the society like to visit..They weren't exactly prostitudes...more like the "Geisha" in Japan.

I'm LOVING it!!

:: Dead man walking ::

2006-06-20T12:18:00.000+08:00

I just came back from perth.
I got a SHOCK as i sat on the bus...on the way to the hotel.
I......I......I......feel like I'm a ghost....coz its a dead town!!!
Shops are all closed....NO ONE walking on the street...and we're talking about the CITY area!
This was my first time to Perth and i've heard about how relax, slow and nice this part of Aussie is... But i never really think it would be THIS empty. Looks a little scary...Then it reminded me of the Playstation game we used to play... "Resident Evil"! I started to imagine all the creatures pop out from nowhere and come after me.....YEEKS!!!

I msged Jenn, Louis and Jacob...crying for help in this dead city. These are their replies:

LOUIS: "You should be with me...I'm blackjacking!!"
(BLOODYHELL..he's in the casino in melbourne. Screw u.)

Jenn: "You should go to UWA...there's a market nearby..."
(okie folks, it was like 5.30pm...sun gonna set and its a freaking sunday. NOTHING is open!)

Jacob's reply: "Perth is nice what...you should go here.....there....."
(ya ya...again, its a SUNDAY!!!)

So anyway, i didn't waste no time. I met Jude, my secondary school mate for dinner. At last, i saw some signs of life!!! He drove me to a supermarket to get my breakfast for the next morning...only to realise there's nothing much to buy. So in the end, we decided to pop by his house later and made some sandwiches for my breakie. Before that, we head to....ermm....can't remember the name of the place... but its somewhere at the yatch marina... He reccommended the Fish & Chips. I decided to try..although i'm not a very fish person. The serving for the chips was damn huge..I'm full just by eating the chips. Heh.

He drove me around town ya..Been up to the King's park for an overview of the city...been to the Bell tower... I didn't get out of the car coz the chill is freezing my ass off! God! The weather was just nice in the afternoon but when darkness came, it was REALLY COLD!!!! And i only have one pathetic not-so-thick sweater. Then Mr. Jude said that was because Perth is a desert area. Temperature drops drastically when night falls. TELL ME EARLIER!!!! wahhahaaa...

That's about the trip in Perth. Thanks Jude...for showing me around!
********************************

Yay! Last night met deaREST Jenn, Louis and Jacob for supper at Holland Village. I miss Jenn so much! Haven't seen her for erm....2 weeks? kekekkee...I miss flying with her...and its so glad to hear that she's enjoying her team flight. I wish i can fly with her soooooooooon...and stay in the same room...bitch, chat, or whatever!
********************************

Here are some london pics while still waiting for that Louis to give me the rest...

At Kensington Park...

Silly Pics at Marks & Spencer and The Tube.

:: Changes ::

2006-06-17T04:45:00.000+08:00

Yes, it is now saturday morning at 4.50am and i'm still wide awake.
Yes and you can see some changes in my blog. Change the outlook basically.
Thought it'll look brighter and fresher instead of the dark blackie one.
What do you think?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Earlier in the afternoon, he brought me to one of the new shopping centre in JB. It was huge! But there ain't many apparrel shops...quite a disappointment. Nonetheless, i still bought 2 pieces of clothes. Hahahhaha!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Changes.
I must say he did made lotsa changes for me. 360 degrees or even more.
I should be happy and enjoy the attention and concern that he is showering me now...after the long wait of 2 years......isn't it?
However, i found myself grumbling and feeling upset for the slightest thing he does. Why?
Isn't such changes good? Isn't this what i've been wishing and waiting for?
If so, why am I feeling like this?
I've been trying to ask myself and can't figure out why. And have been constantly reminding myself to be more tolerant and don't get irritated so easily.
I really wonder why. Like he said, when I'm not in town, I'd call him and sounded like I miss him alot. But when I'm in town, i treated him hot and cold. Why why why????
Has the passion faded? Has the fire gone? Or have we stuck in this stage for too long?
I really hope i'd buck up and get rid of this feeling soon!
But how?? Somebody tell me please?
Feel so guilty!!

It surely doesn't help when I'm still bothered by the family issue. They still didn't know.
I think i should break the news again...soon. REAL soon.

Talking about marriage.... it's quite scary at times to think about whether this person is the ONE for you and the ONE that you are going to spend with for the rest of your life. One wrong move and that's it. So....how do you know whether someone is THE ONE?
I mean I would like him to be THE ONE...but I'm also scared coz I wonder if everything would turn out fine during the marriage life.
How would one know??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Came back from London 2 days ago. It was my first team flight. It was good.
It was nice to have someone you know on board.
Louis's friend brought us around and we had a really looooooong day.
Had breakfast in Marks & Spencer, went to Museum of Design, had lunch in a typical English restaurant, been up the London Eye(it was terribly HOT especially when we are trapped in the capsule in the summer!), ate at a lovely dessert restaurant, having some laughs at the Stand-up comedy club.

It was another marvellous london trip.
I swear I would head to Stonehenge and WIndsor Castle the next time when I go there.

As for the pics...I;m still waiting for Louis to send to me. L O U I S!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:: 100th day::

2006-06-10T17:32:00.000+08:00

Last wednesday was my beloved grandpa's 100th day since his death.
Went for the prayers from 4pm to 10pm. It kinda rake up those emotions again.
Can't believe he was gone so fast. I tried very hard to fight back my tears.
I miss him. I miss you, yeye.

Around the same time, Ibrahim passed on before my grandpa. It reminded me of him too. Whenever i think of my grandpa, i'll think of ibrahim. Vice versa.
I miss him too.
Can't believe God take such a good guy away. But i'm sure he has greater plan for him.
I hope he is doing well. I miss having supper with him. I miss msning him.
I still have his number. I still have his msn nick. I still have his frenster account. I still go to his blog and drop messages.

:'(

:: KTV ::

2006-06-08T21:02:00.000+08:00

At last! We finally went KTV!!
Sing! Sing! Sing!
La la la la la~ NICE!

:: New friend ::

2006-06-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

A new found friend! Glad to know Junko on the flight to LAX. We hit it off pretty well and shared similar views. After we came back Singapore, she invited me for a one-for-one massage at Shaw centre. It was awesome!! Really felt relax and shiok!!
We chatted over coffee and learnt more of each other. She is really nice!
Then i realised she haven't tried any Ramen in Singapore! Well, i know one place where the chef is a japanese and the Ramen taste delicious at reasonable price. Without much hesitation, I brought her to the stall. At least, for now, whenever she feels home sick and craves for japanese food, she knows where to find. :p

Came to realised she haven't been to Night Safari too. Since the next few days are our rest days, I volunteered to bring her there on the same night. Boy, we had some fun! Seen lotsa animals on the tram!

Hope our friendship will continue to bloom! :)

:: Tokyo and Los Angeles ::

2006-06-01T11:59:00.000+08:00

I was on the way to Los Angeles and hence got the chance to stop in Tokyo. It wasn't really a fantastic flight. It was average...oh wait, below average i guessed. Another colleague and I just did not feel right....as you would have known...we were the most junior there....and you all would have known how the company value "seniority".

Well, it is an asian organisation afterall. It comes with no surprise, isn't it? However, i just felt it was a little too much. Come on, gotta move on with times right? Perhaps its due to my background education or experience? I felt that respect NEEDS to be EARNED and not automatically credited by the numbers of years you are in a company or by your age. That is to say, in a typical asian culture, we are suppose to give them DUE RESPECT & not EARNED respect. Of coz, the basic respect must be there but it doesn't mean whatever you do is right and whatever i do is wrong. Because in that case, i don't see why i should respect someone with lousy character or performance or worse still, say remarks that are seriously subjective and hurtful. And guess what...? All these are just ways of pulling ranks and showing so-called power and authority. And what's making it worse is that, juniors don't have the right or power to clear the misjudge. All you can do is to apologise for a mistake which you think you have done nothing wrong and smile. Well, you can argue back and stand up for your own right. But that would make your senior colleagues unhappy. That's what one told me. I was like..inside my heart.."What!?!?" I guess that's just what life is about. Meeting many kinds of people and knowing how to deal with them. For sure, i met some very very very nice senior colleagues who deserves very much my respect. Well, as long as i understand what is wrong and what is right....i think i'm a much better person and above those people who belong to the old school of thoughts. Oops..these are just some of my thoughts as i was chatting to one of the crew on that flight.

And so...off i went to LA and spent a bomb....added a little boost to their economy. hahaha...but its fun to shop over there. The Holister was sooooooooooooooo nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't go sight seeing coz i've already been to Universal Studio and disney land.... i think i should do more research on where to go in LA next time. So that i can curb my spendings there!!! Was busy shopping so i didn't take any pictures. Hahhahaa..too bad!

And then it was Tokyo! My first time! One of the colleague and his local friend, Kae, brought us to the Fish Market near the Tsukiji metro station. It was indeed an eye opener. There all kinds of fish, big, small, weird looking fishes and sea creatures. hahhahah! It was fun! We ate somewhere near there too...where they usually serve FRESH seafood and fish like salmon, tuna and Sashimi. Eh..i seldom take fish...but i have no other choice coz they do not have chicken, mutton or anything meat there. And so they reccommended this grilled or baked Saba fish. I hesitated a while before decided to try. Amazingly...i like it!! It was SOOOO fresh and sweet and delicious!!!!!!!

I went to the Meiji shrine as well. It was pretty much similar to the shrine i went in Narita.

Oh ya...been to Ueno and helped my majesty to look for Arai helmets. It was pretty cheap there!! I think he will ask me to bring back some next time when i go there. Sheeesh!
The next stop i went was to Shinjuku. The shopping area!!!!! As i stepped out of the subway, i was completely lost! Coz the place is big and confusing!!! So many entrances and exits to the main station....each bringing you to a whole new location. Each time i make a turn, i forgot where i was. It was overwhleming. But it was fun exploring alone! Oh yes...and i finally get to eat Ramen in tokyo! I didn't buy much in Japan...mainly coz i felt i had over-spent in LA. Hahahaa...besides, the prices in Japan are in thousands in Yen....and it kinda make me feel "expensive" psychologically. As compared to US, it was like $15USD....$30USD......it looks cheaper...but in fact it is expensive once you convert it. Hahahahaa..

Towards the end of the flight, i really kinda miss home and wish to come back soon.
Now, i'm happy to be back in my safe haven. :P

:: Mumbai ::

2006-05-31T23:48:00.002+08:00

Recently been to Bombay, or "Mumbai" as the present calls it. Some says its dangerous, some says they don't even bother hanging out. But given such rare opportunity to explore the world(and i really mean WORLD), why waste such chances of getting to know a very different society in another part of the world? Wouldn't it widen your knowledge? You are able to step into countries & see for yourself while some have to see from their television set, so......why waste it?

Oh well, for sure, i explored a little...since i didn't read up much before the flight.
Before i went out, i crashed for a few hours.... was still feeling goggy when i woke up but i forced myself to change and head out. Found out from the conceirge about the Taj Mahal Hotel and the Gateway of India. And so...i decided to explore that area before landing myself in Linking Road which is none other than the Bazaar, or the "Masar Malam" as we called it. Booked a taxi for the entire trip and it cost about S$20-30...the driver fetch me around and waited for me to finish my "business" before heading to the next station. Nice.

Right outside of the Inter-Con hotel, there are slums. Can you imagine that drastic contrast? Can you imagine..as you are having your lunch or buffet in the hotel & thought of discarding the leftovers, these people are struggling to find food for the family?? Can u imagine as you sleep on the comfy bed with air-con and TV, these people right outside might not even have a bed...and worse still, they have to squeeze so many in one tiny pathetic space. They bathed, they do everything there? I wondered. Can you imagine them...having to see us so-called "rich people" crossing their paths everyday...? Watching their days passed slowly like that. I was told that if you are born in a slum, you will most probably stay in the slum for the rest of your life and your next generation...all coz of their caste system...which is still very much practised in India. You can never dream of rising. How sad!! The poor will never rise????? Is that how it is suppose to be!?!?!? Check out this story ---> http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0306/feature1/
Don't you realise just how bloody lucky we are?? How bloody fortunate lots we are? Still wanna complain some more? :)

Here are the photos of some of the slums:

At the Gateway of India, it was so crowded!! I realised that's because there was a shooting going on there. Shooting as in filming lah!! It was packed!! of coz...i was too short and can't even see who and what were they filming...oh well, i won't know any stars even if i see one. Heehee. Then i saw a woman with her son sitting by the street. Poor thing i thought. I secretly took a picture. The woman saw me and told me to feel free to take pictures. I felt bad. So..I wanted to give them some money but she rejected me! Instead, she asked if I could buy milk powder for his son. I was touched. You bet I bought a big can.

Gateway of India
Taj Mahal Hotel
The woman & her son.
I went to Linking Road to get a taste of their pasar malam. Wah seh!! The prices they quoted for each item was incredibly ridiculously high!!! But as i bargained...I was amazed by the discount they gave each time I threatened to leave. At the end of the "arguement", it could be like 70% - 80% cheaper. FOR PETE'S SAKE! How much would they bloody earn if one stupidly agreed to a 50% discount?!!? Suckers!!

Anyway, and so i ended the day with......erm.....buffet dinner at the hotel. Ooops!! And it was superb! Heehee!
Me and the driver!

:: Hong Kong ::

2006-05-20T13:41:00.000+08:00

I called my fren and said "Eh...you know last night i went hong kong and ate their dim sum and famous dessert......." And she said.."Oei...the way u say that makes me feel Hong Kong is just a stone throw away!" Hahaa..Then it struck me. Kinda true.... It now seems like it takes no effort for me to go around the world trying their local food. So casually, so effortlessly. Does it make it worse now that I wanna say "I'm excited to go bombay to try their local indian food tmr!?!!?!? The curry!!!"

So anyway, it was my first time in Hong Kong. And it such a blardi short stay! Just can't get enough of it! Reached hotel at 10pm and need to get up at 6am. So tell me, where the fuck can i go!? My hong kong fren, Kevin, came over with his fren and drove me, Yvonne and Kenny out to eat the dim sum and dessert. Oh ya, Yvonne and Kenny came together (for vacation) with Cheryl who was on a business trip...What a coincidence, isn't it?

Cheryl need to stay in hotel to do work so the rest of us went out. I insisted on eating authentic dim sum followed by dessert. Hahahaa.... So god damn full! Then we went to Mongkok to walk walk. If i didn't see the time, i'd have thought it was 9 plus! Coz there were still many people walking around, shops were still open, many cars and buses on the road....and especially with the neon lights, i seriously thought it was still early. But wait, i came out at 10plus! Its now 12plus, Going to 1 plus already! Oh man, these people dun have to sleep or what!?

Came back at 3am and slept for only 3 hours before heading back home. It was a very short but fruitful trip coz i haven't seen Kevin for almost 2 years! It was great seeing him again! Then it kinda made me miss those times we all spent in Sweden... sigh~

No pictures this time. Forgot to bring camera! Damn it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm...neighbour, if u r reading this.... Cheer up ok!? You are capable of doing that i believe!
Things will be fine and dun think too much. You just need to hold on to your beliefs and values. Be happy, my fren, my neighbour! Always here! :p

:: Highlights ::

2006-05-10T18:05:00.000+08:00

I know i haven't been blogging. Seems like the lazy bug has got the better hold of me. Anyway, in short, here are the highlights of the past weeks.....ZzZzzZzZzz..

Paris:
Went Paris again and revisited those places I've been before. I was the tour guide this time round...bringing my fellow new colleagues around those touristy places and do those touristy thingys. Oh yes, been to Louis Vutton Store...got tempted, swayed, lured, seduced.... by the entire range of bags there but lucky me, didn't spent a single cent there. Instead, i earned 200bucks. Hahaha...SSssh..... Anyway, the service in France SUCKS. BIG TIME!!!!! Oh yes, there was this arrogant fuck at the train station and i asked for help. He simply looked at me with this small fucking eyes and fucking constipated face and said "I don't SPEAK ENGLISH." And turned his fucking small head away. Blardi idiot. I bet his dick head is as small as his last finger.

Here the photos by the way(Using my NEW camera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!):

Motocross trip in Mersing:
I followed my majesty to one of the races in Mersing since im in Singapore during the weekend. It's a nice place....the track is just beside the beach. its damn hot and i got a sun burnt even when im under the shade most of the time. As for the race.....what else can i say??? I have noticed that every time i followed him, he will not be at the podium. what the hell!? And when i don't follow him, he wins. Am i his jinx or what!? I refuse to believe!!!

Auckland:
Auckland was ok until i fell sick! High fever, nauseous and body aches!! Doc diagnosed as influenze and I was unable to work from Auckland to Singapore. So, I was positioned as passenger and rest on board for the entire 10-hr flight. Met an Ang Moh and chatted for a few minutes when my IFS came over and told him that i need to rest. Later, He wrote a note, trying to ask me out when we reached Singapore. He must be crazy. I'm blardi SICK lor. I didn't reply to him the second time round. Anyway, we found out that he's such a tryer coz he went to ask another fellow crew. hahahahaa!

Oh ya, I couldn't celebrate my majesty's birthday as I came back from Auckland on that fateful day. Besides, i was still pretty sick and weak. Hmm...i think i need to do a post celebration soon!

That's all folks. Laters~

:: ZzZzZzz ::

2006-04-21T22:00:00.000+08:00

ok. i just came back from Brisbane not long ago. Damn sleepy.
Only had 3 hrs sleep the night before...!!!
Anyway, good flight! Good crew, nice pax...light load.... what more can i ask for??

Too bad i didn't have time to walk around much...
Oh ya, i couldn't sleep at night and was surfing the TV channels and realised aust's programs in the hotel SUCKS. Decided to use the internet. ALAS! The port in my room is spoilt! ~~!#$%^
The assiatant mgr, Elmer is his name (who happened to be quite cute too!!!), brought another cable for me. However, it didn't work AGAIN and so he offered me a free 12 hr internet access in the biz centre. Hurray!!! And so, i was connected to the my own world and busy chatting with friends..how comfortable that is. Can't imagine being all alone in another country and without my precious lappie!

Chatted with Louis, Jenn and Dora over the net. Had my webcam and played with it for a while. Oh and i signed up SkypeOut...Heh heh....now cheap phonecalls out!!!! cheap cheap cheap!!!

Anyway, i was feeling a little depressed during the last 2 days. Probably due to the previous flight. But i guess all will be fine soon. Just have to hang on to it. After talking to Jenn, felt so much better.....Thanks GAL!!! You're THE BEST!!!! MUACKS!!!!

Ok. Time's up. Sleep. ZzZzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

:: Language of Love ::

2006-04-12T00:57:00.000+08:00

Got this quiz from a link on Jenn's blog...
Well...u can't blame me..there's really not much to do at 1am....WHAT!?IT'S 1AM ALREADY!?!?!?

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Physical Touch:		6
Words of Affirmation:		6
Acts of Service:		5
Receiving Gifts:		4

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

:: 49 days ::

2006-04-10T23:32:00.000+08:00

It is approaching the 49th day soon after next week. 49 days after my grandfather left us. And yes, it is the number of days i've been trying to keep a vegetarian diet. EXCEPT for the FIRST week, when i was too hungry on board and accidentally forgot about it that i ate a.......sausage. Felt so guilty and promised and kept reminding myself never touch any meat after that....at least within the 49 days.

Of course it's not an easy task but it's not that all difficult as well. What makes it tough are that:
- Vegetarian food is not always available everywhere, especially now i have to travel around.
- Pure vegetarian food, like those fake meat and such, tasted HORRIBLE.
- It would be more convenient to go to an non-veg eatery where most of your friends frequent. I mean its easier for one, that is, me to accomodate the rest...right? Initially i have to resist the dying temptation to eat those yummy-looking, grilled, fried, braised (WHATEVER!) meat when my friends ordered them. But now..i can cope with it already.

On the other hand, it's not very diffcult coz:
- I've always like vegetables more than meat...(but tt doesn't mean i dun consume meat at all. I still love bak hwa..pork floss....u know what i mean!!)
- My grandmother and parents understand it's difficult for us to refrain from meat completel. So they encourage us to take any food...just try not to take any meat on the dish(that is, we can buy from any non-veg stall). So i am still able to eat my fave food "Hor Fun"...which i just need to tell them not to put any meat but add veggie.
- And of coz, i have lotsa instant noodles to turn to if it really gets desperate. (You dunno how many cups of instant noodles i have consumed when im overseas!!!! Eat till im sick!!!)

Ok...i'm still thinking if i can take my fave Tom Yam soup although i have taken it. OOOOPS!!!
I didn't touch any meat....but but but i think the soup is made of chicken-based...or at least something like that. And i'm still thinking if i can eat my fave roti prata..which contains ghee....and the curry contains meat as well?????????????????
Hmm....can i still eat all of those but i just dun eat any meat?!?!?!?! Can i can i can i can i!?!?!?!?

So anyway, my family and i was having the prayers just now when i realised it has only been a month after my beloved grand dad passed away. I was telling my cousin....it seems so long ago that it happened but it actually only happened recently. From time till time, i still think of him. And i miss him. I miss his sulky face when we forbade him to eat his junk food. I miss his innocent laughter when he watched a funny program on TV. I miss touching his botak head each time i visit him. Sometimes i still feel like crying..but i keep reminding myself he's at a better place now.

And then at the same time, I would also think of Ibrahim, my dear friend, who left us before my grand dad. I remembered how I kept visiting him during the last few weeks of his time...hoping to see a better him each day....

Sigh... things happened so suddenly.....still feel a little.......hmm..how to say?? Its like as though they're still around but they're not. I am moving on... but with the lost of my friend and my grand dad recently, i felt a little "guilty" (maybe?) that i am moving on. It's like i haven't grief enough. It's like....someone very dear to me has passed away...so how come it didn't seem to have impact me the way it should be...and that i still can move on, live normally......just like nothing happen now????

I dunno...it just feel.....strange. Can somebody tell me?
feel like crying already...

:: 6th April 2006 ::

2006-04-08T20:29:00.000+08:00

06 April 2006
This is MY DAY!!!!My hatch day!

I came back from Pakistan on the day itself. Caught one hour of sleep and then head straight out to meet him. He was late (and again....) and i was sooooooo pissed coz i was extremely hungry!! I gave him THE face and started to help myself to the vehicle. I opened the box, wanting to put my stuff in there and realised it was full. I closed it immediately and wanted to get angrier. But in a split second, it occured to me that what was inside the box were actually my prezzies!!!!!!!

I didn't know whether to continue being angry or jump up with joy. I guessed it was shown in my face. He smiled and said "you are happy right but still wanna act angry....." I burst into laughter and hugged him. Like an impatient child, i scavenged the box for my prezzies.
Hmm....a bouquet of flowers and a "Lee Hwa Jewellery" box. I thought it was earrings or necklace...but it was a ring! It was really a surprise to me! I didn't think he would actually buy a ring coz he dun buy rings for gal anyhow?!?! A Birthday ring...as what he said. Well...he did mentioned that he felt it was time and appropriate now as he felt committed and very sure of our relationship already....and yup, we are moving towards the same goal. *felt a tinge of sweetness* heehee. :p

But shortly, i started to tease him saying, the flowers weren't big enough...and why weren't they pink.... The diamond isn't big enough....Why he gave these to me in the most unromantic manner... Hahahahaha....Actually, it's all bullshit. Haha~ I like the flowers, i like the ring though it is not 1-caret. I like the way he puts in effort to surprise me when i know he is a perfect nut in this area. It is actually the thoughts behind all these and those words he said that touches me. :)

We had a simple dinner at a russian resturant with my dear friends in Arab street. The meaty dishes smelled nice and i resisted the temptation to eat them! I maintained my vegetarian diet in a RUSSIAN restarant, when most of the dishes are meat!?!?!? But as long as my friends love it, i'm happy!

Thank you, people! Thanks for the present as well!!It was such a thoughtful and perfect present! What is better than some spa sessions after long and tiring flights!! I'm sure I'm gonna enjoy the sessions!! And yes, i love the flash animation together with the blessing that you all painstakingly created...(thanks ah Kenny...!know u and ah bong were busy with all the projects in school)

Click it! =>> (http://www.funkyblue.com/val_birthday_site/)

Thank you, Jenn..for the innovative voucher that you created. But you didn't state the validity period leh..so i shall assume its one year till my next birthday!? wahhahaha~
When can i redeem the dinner and the mystery gift!? As for the personal favours....i will buzz you when i think of it!

And yes, thank you, Louis and Kelly for the prezzie though i haven't seen them yet coz its with JENN!!! Eh..Jenn..you dun suka suka use them as your "mystery gift" ok....kekeke~ So nice of u all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugz hugz*

Of coz, not forgetting my very own sister!!! I just received it! Though our family dun practise birthday celebration, my lovely sister always remembers my birthday and buys me present every year, without fail! This year is a Tang's Voucher!! Yay!!! Thank you!!! :p I love u!

I love u people!! Namely ~ SuperMin, Cutie Cheryl, Blurry Ah Bong & Kenny, Mokie, Nerdy Neng, Georgie old man, Auntie Yongwee (bleah!), Hunkie Joefrey, Lovely Jasmine, Sweetie Winnie, Tallie Linli, French Jenn, Louishutter, Kel Kel and sista deon! And those who smsed...Sista Joey, Yanling, Meiyan (my dearest friend for like'em....15 years!!), Pete, Ah wai (all the way form taipei!), Queky, Dora, Afshaan.....

:: Pakistan experience ::

2006-04-08T18:34:00.000+08:00

Lahore ~ Karachi (Pakastian)

A few days ago, i was at Karachi, the city of Pakastan. Throughout the entire episode, i experienced little surprises here and there...Here it goes:

On the way to Karachi, there was a Pakastini passenger sitted near our galley. I was warned by my fellow colleague that he was a little perverted ("she" as the chinese says...). I tried to keep a distance away from him though we shook hands as he introduced himself. But i wasn't spared the verbal harassment. His english was a little poor and i couldn't make out what he said(with a disgusting grin)..."you wanna 'checkin'? after arrival? wanna 'checkin'? I said no and excused myself. I started to ponder what the hell he was talking about. Then, one by one, colleagues came by and said what they had experienced with this passenger. One was "accidentally" touched by him on the breast (2 times?!?!), the others were visually and verbally harassed as well. Now! I understood what he was trying to say! I think what he meant was "Shagging"!!!! I almost threw up!! Yeeeks!!!! Anyway, he was being warned by my colleague..that's when he started to behave. Sigh~ It's like as though he has never seen a woman!!

Once the door was opened for the aircraft cleaners to come on board when we transitted in Lahore, swamps of flies infested our aircraft!!! Crew and passengers were seen busy trying to kill those flies....It was such a funny scene! And i was secretly praying that these flies will die at 28,000 ft!
One passenger even suggested to me that we should install those blue light thingy that attract and kill these flies. Hmm...

The hotel was pretty big i guess.... So big that even after I bunk in with Jenn, we still have a far bit of space to move around... TWO double size beds!! The next day, three of us rented a car (with a driver) and went sight-seeing. Karachi wasn't really a sight-seeing place but still..there are still some historical sites. As we stepped out of our hotel, we realised that there weren't many women around....and eerrr.... these men kept looking at us as if we were aliens from Venus. It doesn't help when my colleagues wore big oversized shades while i wore a...eerrr....bright pink top. Heehee..By the way, most of the men wore the same kind and colour of clothes!!! With their beard, colour and same clothing, it is really difficult to tell them apart!

At the Mausoleum of Quaid-E-Azam (Father of Pakistan), one guy even approached us for an AUTOGRAPH!!!!!! What the!??!??!?!! Almost instantly, our driver shouted at him to back off....waaaaah...a bodyguard for us girls...just like a star!
Another group of school girls there eagerly came to us and hand signalled to us. I thought she asked me to take a picture for them...To my surprise, they all wanted to take a picture with us! Now, we really feel like a star! hahahhahaa....(yea, i know...cheap thrill. Whatever...Bleah!)

Next, we went to the Mohatta Palace, which is actually a museum. It is interesting to learn about their history, how Pakistan came about and culture of Pakastini. We actually saw 2 bottles of foetus drowned in some chemical water....Yeeks...and i still couldn't believe they are real, no matter how many times the local guide told me they are. I just refused to believe!! It's...simply disgusting!!!!
I also saw some photos being featured and i was kinda intrigued by it...Photo journalism....how i wish i had such skill and opportunity.....I tried to secretly take some pics on the street without the people's knowing...

I tried my luck at the next stop - The tomb of Abdullah Shah Ghazi...
The driver warned us that it was pretty dangerous to go up there as as our religion were different and the people might not like the way we were dressed. So we decided to take a look outside. I dunno why....but it seemed to me that the people there were all beggars.....lingering around...seemed to be waiting for something....We didn't stay long but i was able to capture a few images:

Oh...the last stop we went was the Clifton beach. Hmm..nothing spectacular except for the fact that it was my first time riding a camel!! Hmm...yea..not in Cairo..but in Karachi. Hahahhaa...A very brief ride, that is..for 50 pakistani rupees. (=S$1.42!!!)

We had the local cuisine for dinner at a restaurant in the hotel, "The Pakastini". Yah..how creative the name is...right? "-_-" But the food was gooooooood and cheeeeeeeeeeeeeap cheeeeeeeeeap!

And so, the next day, Jenn and I did nothing but stay in the hotel. Eating a sumptous "All American Breakfast" in the room, rot, sleep watch TV and chat till we prepare for our flight.
Oh yah..it was then that I fell in love with the songs "You're beautiful" and "Goodbye my lover" by James Blunt. He happened to be on Oprah Winfrey's program and he sang the songs live!! He called these two songs really "miserable"...and he wrote the songs himself. "You're beautiful" was written when he saw his ex-gf at the Tube..with a new man... "Goodbye my lover" was pretty much self-explanatory. He sang with such great emotions (and teary eyes!?) that i was really touched by it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was my birthday as we travelled back to Singapore. I received two hugs. Both from Jenn....one at Pakistan's time and the other at Singapore's time. Hahahhaaa..Well, it was my first time spending my birthday (at least the first 8 hours) on a plane, in the middle of........nowhere....... :p Thanks Jenn. *hugz*

Overall, an interesting trip!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Here's the lyrics of my fave song at the moment:

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind but then I knew it,My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.You have been the one for me.(2x)

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I can not live without you.Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.You have been the one for me.(2x)
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(X2)

:: Marvellous London ::

2006-04-01T16:54:00.000+08:00

All ritey...i haven't been bloggin coz i was way too busy...(and lil' lazy..heehee).
Anyway, i went back to sydney, met up with Jenn and was introduced to Selwyn. He brought us around Sydney and even went to his university; had a cuppa at a cosy little cafe and had our diner at a Thai Restaurant..(not very nice though).

Oh oh..i went to Shanghai as well...and i freaking over-spent!!! Met two guys over there, trying to hard sell those imitation goods to me but i refused to step into their shop. In the end, we became friends & they even bring me to a shoe shop when i mentioned i wanna get a pair of boots. Anyway, the famous "Xiangyang street" is gonna closed down soon...what a pity!! By the way, i've got the contacts of those two guys. He told me they'll still have a shop...SOMEWHERE..even though xiangyang is closed. So in any case, any of u guys wanna take a look at those goods when you are in Shanghai..just gimme a buzz!

Trip to London!

By the way, I just came back from London yesterday and had a good time with Jenn and Dora (and her fren, Jeff in london). We had been, amazingly, rostered the same flight! It was a long and tiring flight BUT we were all looking forward to go london.

It was a nice city...and i like it so much that i didn't really wanna come back. Heehee..
Jenn & I went around on the "Big Bus company", did all those touristy thingys...The weather was crazy! One minute it was bright & sunny (& EXTREMELY windy!!!), another minute it was all gloomy and rainy. It even had hail which lasted for about...eerrr....3 seconds? It was my first time experiencing hail and i wanted to get out of the shop to get myself "hit" by the hail. "Siow AH!?!" Jenn exclaimed. Hahahaha~ But it was fun.
While Jenn and I were all determined to visit all the places, the wind made us so cold that we wanted to get down the bus to get ourselves some coffee. Unfortunately, we got ourselves stuck in Oxford Street instead...and went on a SHOPPING SPREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

We ended the night with the "Phantom of Opera" musical. It was awesome! I love it even though i...eerrrr.....dozed off for a while...heehee.

I had enjoyed myself...and i wanna go there again!!! *cross-fingers*

:: chan mali chan ::

2006-03-20T12:13:00.000+08:00

Oh well...Our training is finally over & very soon, we'll all be up in the air working.
I am excited yet nervous. I am eager yet lost.
I am confused ya! But one thing for sure ----- I'll definitely miss this whole gang of colleagues.
Jenn, Kelly, Dora, Meera, Louis, Darren, Jacob, Vincent, Jon, Sabaa, Uttara, Rajasi, etc...
I think we'll make up a great team but why the hell do we have to split!!!

Haiz..anyway, i'm happy to have fond memories of these people and hope we'll keep in touch..

(quote from louis...) Chan Mali Chan!
Wish me Luck!!!!

:: KL Trip ::

2006-03-11T14:57:00.000+08:00

Some weeks ago, Yvonne, Kenny & I travelled up north to KL to find Ah Wai. He came over from Sweden to attend a training course for his new job which requires him to be based in Taipei. Well...it is his first time here in Southeast Asia. It is also our first time meeting after 2 years! So we showed him around and keep pestering him to try the local dishes which i SO GOD DAMNED LOVE!

:: beloved YeYe ::

2006-03-09T19:12:00.000+08:00

This is my late beloved YeYe (grandfather) who just left us last week.
I miss him. :'(
I hope buddha has given a much better health and an even better place now.
I miss my yeye. :'(

:: Busy Sydney ::

2006-02-22T01:48:00.000+08:00

And so i was back from Narita and not long after, i was at Sydney.
Dora and i were SOOoooooooooo tired after the 7 plus hours flight that we only ended up going to Darling Harbour and along the streets of Chinatown and Paddy Market.
We planned to go Opera House but our body just can't take it anymore and so we went back to Hilton Hotel to crash...for about 4 hours. Looks like i will make that trip on my solo flight in march!

Hilton is fantastic!!! Just love the bed and the pilllows and and the bath ropes and sofa and the phone and the DVD PLAYER!!!! ok...i guess u get my drift.. IT is REALLY comfortable especially after a hard day's work!

We woke up reluctantly and dragged ourselves out to buy dinner before these lazy aussie people (Ooops!!) close their shops by evening. Bought a DVD called Amelie to watch while eating dinner at the hotel. I feel so god damn good! Delicious Korean meal with my ALL-TIME-FAVOURITE movie on a comfortable bed......what more could i ask for??

:: Lovely little Narita ::

2006-02-22T01:20:00.000+08:00

Sorry folks..haven't been blogging for a while. OH WAIT..."folks"??Hmm... i just wonder who reads my blog...

Anyway, for my own sake .. i better store these memories here in case my own memory space fails me. ~~Sighs~~ Signs of aging...?!?!?!?

So..yah..So now backdate a bit....
i was on my maiden flight to Japan! To Narita to be exact. Hmm...it was a superbly NICE flight, considering it as my first virgin experience...IFS is amazingly jovious and corny AND the crew were all friendly and helpful...
However, on our way back to SIN, Dora and I met one LS who worked in the 1st class and who was F U G L Y and worst still B I T C H Y !!!!! Think she come from those old school of thoughts ah..but never mind..shan't not waste my energy on such people...

Narita is mainly a small village with nothing much..really. The Aeon shopping centre and temple are what most crew visit. We chose the temple as...we dun have much money to shop either. Sigh...poor trainees! Louis joined us for the temple tour after he landed. So here are the collages:

:: May Allah bless your soul ::

2006-02-11T14:48:00.000+08:00

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I will miss you, ibrahim. In fact, i'm already missing you badly.
I am sorry i wasn't able to be there when you left.
I am sorry i wasn't able to share with you my very first flight experience in time.
I am sorry i am late.

I hope you'd lead a better path now. I'm sure the angels will guide you.
Rest in peace, Ibrahim. May Allah bless your soul.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My good friend has left us... while i was away in Japan for 2 days.
I am sad. Very sad.
I last visited him one week ago. Wanted to visit him again before my first flight but i just didn't have the time to do so. So i decided to visit him when i come back and at the same time share with him my first experience. But i was too late.
I regret. i really do.

I remembered before i left, i told him to help me visit Ibrahim. I dunno why i said that but i said.

Cherish the time with your love ones, people.
Don't take time for granted.

:: missing ::

2006-01-28T14:35:00.000+08:00

i dunno what i'm feeling.
I've lost control of myself.
And i certainly do not understand.

what should i do?or what can i do?
what do i want? what can i want?

Can i just have a decent happily-ever-after fairy tale?

mother of all bitches, give me a clue.

:: rollercoaster ride ::

2006-01-22T18:47:00.000+08:00

So many things happened lately, be it good or bad... it's like i'm not able feel my emotions suddenly or rather confused. i guess i was exhilated, shocked, exhausted or simply,
overwhelmed.
In short, it has been a rollercoaster ride.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah Bong's finally back from shanghai. I hugged her & realised she didn't change much. I'm glad & happy for her that she found her
special someone.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah *** hasn't been feeling well. Got a call from Adrian & rushed down immediately. Life is so vulnerable & unpredictable. A lot of emotions was triggered. Felt the pain in my heart as i looked at him. There is so much to say, yet nothing came out. So lost, so painful. Wanna make the atmosphere lighter & cheery but ain't sure if it was appropriate. Deep down in my heart, i feel that everything will be fine, so will he. He's such a fighter. He will be fine. At least that's what i believe since the very day he told me. i'll keep believing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saw many old friends from NTSS though i hope not it wasn't in that kinda situation. Nonetheless, it was nice seeing old friends again. Yanling, Weirong, Kevin, Eric Gan, Ah Boon, Michelle, Stella, Pei Yin..... They still look the same and getting along fine, at least it seems to me. Yanling just had her customary wedding & i saw her hubby. I'm happy for her that she is able to find her Mr. Right after what she had gone through with that someone in the past. Kinda envy that kinda simplicity in life. oh yes, Stella's getting married to her japanese bf on 1st Dec this year.
Congrats~
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of wedding.... A colleague of mine just proposed to his gf and he was successful. Oh well, he wouldn't dare to propose if he thinks he will fail right? And yes, not forgetting, Huiyi! Her bf proposed to her around Xmas... Though she grumbled that it wasn't really fantastic but i could feel the happiness and contend oozing out from her every word. How sweet, isn't it? I guess its my age...Friends around my age are all getting hitched...... while i'm still in a stage where all these still seems far away. Sometimes i wonder where will my turn be....but sometimes i rather not. Contradicting...that's just Val for you i guess. Ok ok ok ok...honest. i wanna get hitched too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with the right guy of course.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unsure about min. Completely beaten and down. No more energy to carry on. Jaded, exhausted and what's not...after these years. Plucked up courage to confront my own feelings & let him know. It didn't turn out as what i have expected from him. It was a pleasant surprise. As a matter of fact, i HAVE NEVER seen this side of him before....until now. It felt weird...i guess i felt the genuine side...the real part of him. As much as i wanted to be cruel, i still didn't have the heart to say goodbye, especially after he showed me his vulnerable side....So...i've to discard what i was feeling & try to start all over again. It wasn't easy to bring back the feelings like before (Note: i said "feelings" & not treatment..hee..i dun miss how he treated me last time, all right?)
we have to slowly take our time i suppose. I was confused but i was glad. I was glad he started to bare his soul to me. I hope things will only gets better from now. Whether or not this is a right move, time will tell. Prove it to me, baby.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lastly, this piece of news is fresh from oven. I just hit a car yesterday, along CTE while it was raining rather heavily. I was the fourth & last car. Nobody was injured & my damage was the least. BLOODY SHIT. Clean record for 5 years & now 1 bloody blackmark in my own record.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
~ As much as i think life's a bitch, i wanna to live my life to the fullest ~

:: get well ::

2006-01-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

ah bra... Get well soon, will you? i know you will. i so know you will.

:: Nose blocked or Blocked nose? //// Sweet nothings ::

2005-12-29T21:51:00.000+08:00

Whatever! nose blocked or blocked nose!! I'm having this stupid shit for the longest time EVER!!! More than a week!?!?!?! And i even have difficulty in breathing!! Especially in air-con room....always have to inhale deeply..and it doesn't help when the air-con in the BLOODY classroom is fucking freezing cold! Why on earth would they want the temperature so low even when the sky is dark and pouring like cats and dogs outside?!?!!? They think they have big fat money so can splurge on this useless-making-people-can't-breathe AIR-CONDITIONER!?!?!?!?!?

Besides, this pain-in-the-ass blocked nose or nose blocked is making me losing my appetite!!! Coz ONCE AGAIN, i can't even breathe when im eating as i need my MOUTH TO FUCKING BREATHE!!

AARRRGHH!!!!
And i sound so nasal whenever i speak that i hated myself. There is this irritating inner voice to ask me to SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP whenever i talk. i can't even stand THAT NASAL sound produced by my vocal organs of a vertebrate.

ok. Enough said. *shut up*
========================================================
By the way, i've received some little gifts from my friends...made me kinda feel bad that i didn't get them anything coz i didn't have the time to.... *bad bad val*

Anyway, here's what they give me.

This is what LOUIS gave us. Don't see this small small and you think nothing of it. Its damn bloody useful ok! He's so sweeeeeet and buy for all of us as we all need to use this for our Staff Pass. Now, i'll bring it wherever i work next time, around the world. Isn't it sweeeeeet?

JENNIFER gave us this cute little bottle filled with chocolates! And it was my favourite milk chocolate! It tasted especially sweet coz it's from her! Amidst the revision for the test, she made an effort to get all of us this little gift of love. This, not just left my tastebuds sweet, but also my heart!

This set is what our darling colleagues from india gave us. SABAA, UTTARA, RAJASI & AFSHAAN. So lovely, isn't it? Didn't expect it at all! They are really a bunch of fun-loving, crazy and lovely gals. And this will gift keep me smelling sweeeeet all the time!

Now, ladies and gentlemen... this is one of the sweetest gift i've received! Its from none other than my forever-beautiful-gorgeous sista CHERYL! Although it looks like a simple photo frame, its not just any ordinary photo frame with oridinary photos... Its a collage of those significant events that she and i have spent our 7 years of friendship together. From entering the uni to going to Sweden for our student exchange program to our travels around europe to the expedition trip to Cambodia and finally our convocation! Our sistahood, just like good wines, become deeper and richer as the time goes by. And i hope this precious and special bond between us will continue to grow....

I love u guys for those sweet little things.

*Hugs & Kisses*

:: that day::

2005-12-25T14:30:00.000+08:00

Dear Santa,

I only wish for one thing and I hope i'm not too late.
**I wish for that day to come soon.**

2006 resolutions?? Haven't gave it a serious tots but here is the draft...

* A happy val with no worries
* A happy family
* A happy ending
* Earn more money to fulfill all other hidden agendas (hiak hiak)
* Collect more postcards and badges from around the globe.
* Adopt a child from third world country
* World peace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All things happened for a reason i guess. The difference is how u will deal with it.
Shits happen but that's life. How u want the shit to be cleaned up all depends on how u see it and how u cleanse it. So that everyone will be convinced and be happy about it.

But how to ensure everyone is happy? someone has to take the rap, be finger-pointed or change completely in order for the majority rest to be happy? But why?? why can't everyone NOT be superficial and have different perspectives when looking at the same thing? Why judge when you dun even know something? What makes them think they know all things unless u are the almighty one? What makes them think everyone who have the same superficial characteristics are the same? And even though if someone think he/she has experience the so-called same encounters, does it mean its the same for everyone across the world? Sure there are some general characteristics but are there no room for exceptions? Or they just can't be bothered at all coz its always convenient to generialise things than to slowly find out the unique traits of everyone? If that's the cause of all disputes and controversies, then why didn't god make everyone the same? Aren't we suppose to see things beyond the first layer? I thought that's what differentiates men from other beings?

And so what if we all have different faiths...? Since when did faith told us to divide ourselves? I always thought the most beautiful thing in this world is the presence of diversity . So many different things in life... so many perspectives...so many different sides... Its a never-ending road of learning...its a never-ending road of beautiful surprises... its a never-ending road of wonderment. So why put a dead-end to it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why some people close to my heart...still perceive as someone i'm completely not?
I don't say doesn't mean i am not.
Perhaps i have my reasons for doing so?
Perhaps i dunno how to react?
Perhaps its my way of not wanting them to worry?
Perhaps i have changed but u just perpetually think i'm still the same?
Perhaps they dun understand me at all?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've heard some words... that saddened me. It just pierced thru my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Should i be someone that everyone wants from me?
So, tell me your ideal Val.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:: lazy Biatch ::

2005-12-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

I am such a lazy BIATCH.
((BIATCH is defined as bitch by batch 853))

My hair spray has finished but i'm too lazy to move my ass downstairs to get one. It has become my daily necessity now and how i hate that bloody shit of bottle!!!

Btw, days has been filled with activities and tiredness become part of my daily body routine. Once the clock strikes 10, my body starts to collapse...my eyelids become heavy and my body turns soft.... and then i'll find my way to the bloody bed even with those extra-pounds eyes closed.

Talking abt activities... these batch gals are so bloody fun-loving and always full of laughter when with them. Bitching has become a part of the bonding session...and everyone just have a good laugh and then get over with it. They are such a party animals that sometimes i wonder where do those energy come from.

In short, I'm loving it!

:: emptiness ::

2005-12-06T01:06:00.000+08:00

Have u ever felt the emptiness even though u have someone with u?
Have u ever felt disconnected even though u have someone else's hand to hold?
Have u ever felt lonesome even though he's right next to u?

What does that mean?
I dunno.
Haven't i done enough? Haven't I tried hard?
Or was it a case of "can't-be-bothered" or was it a case of insensitivity?
Or rather have u taken me for granted?

Whatever it is, the point is - are you with me?
Physically, emotionally and spiritually?
Were u there when i needed you?
Or were you just happen to be there when u r free and only when "feel like it"?

How would it feel when sweet nothings were delivered to u and was acknowledged by non-chalence?
How would it feel when u said u missed me and my best reply was simply no response?

Are u here with me?
Can we still hear and follow each other's heartbeats?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
i'm not looking for someone to talk to,
I've got my friends,
I'm more than ok,
I've got more than a girl could wish for,
I live my dream,
But it's not all they say.

Still i believe
I'm missing something real.
I need someone who really sees me

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore,
Still believing you'll walk through my door,
All i need is to know it's for sure,
That i'll give
All the love in the world.

I've often wondered if loves an illusion,
Just to get you through,
The loneliest days,
I can't criticize it,
I had no expectation,
My imagination just stole me away

Still i believe
I'm missing something real.
I need someone who really sees me

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore,
Still believing you'll walk through my door,
All i need is to know it's for sure,
That i'll give
All the love in the world.

Love's for a lifetime,
Not for a moment,
So how could i throw it away?
Yea, but i'm only human,
And nights were colder,
With no one to love me that way.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

:: down down down ::

2005-12-02T20:12:00.000+08:00

I'm down with the bloody sickening most-irritating-marthafucking-idiotic-never-seem-stop-dripping FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KNN!!!!!

:: grown out ::

2005-11-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

just dun understand how some people can club for years & still find it fun.
just dun understand how some people can withstand the usual stuff in the club.
just dun understand how some people can club for ALL occassions, be it xmas, new year, hari raya, deepavali or birthdays.
just dun understand how some people can stand standing/sitting thru the smoky nite.
just dun understand how some people choose to intoxicate themselves.
YEARS AFTER YEARS?

hmm.... why?
they have no other better things to do?
they want to feel "popular"?
they think its "in"?
please enlighten me. really can't seem to understand.

why dun they feel bored after so long? doing the same thing for so long?

I thought its just a passing phase of life. Occassionally its fine...but every week or even monthly?
hmm... perhaps its just me. I've grown out of it after having tasted the clubbing life for a while. Dun enjoy it as much anymore. Maybe its the age which has seem to catch up on me? Knowing there are more and better things to do and we're running short of time?

no offence, clubbers. Just a harmless thought.

:: Dragostea Din Tei ::

2005-11-20T01:36:00.000+08:00

Saw this clip somewhere & finds it funny... Just wanna share!
-> Click here to enjoy! he sure knows how to dance, boy!

This is the romanian lyrics if u wanna have a karaoke session....IF u must...:p

Chorus 1 (repeat 4x)
Ma-ia-hii Ma-ia-huu Ma-ia-ha Ma-ia-haha

Verse 2
Alo, Salut, sunt eu, un haiduc,
Si te rog, iubirea mea, primeste fericirea.
Alo, alo, sunt eu Picasso,
Ti-am dat beep, si sunt voinic,
Dar sa stii nu-ti cer nimic.

Chorus 3 (repeat 2x)
Vrei sa pleci dar nu-mã, nu-mã iei,
Nu-mã, nu-ma iei, nu-mã, nu-mã, nu-mã iei.
Chipul tãu si dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii tãi.

Verse 4
Te sun, sã-ti spun, ce simt, acum,
Alo, iubirea mea sunt eu, fericirea.
Alo, alo, sunt iarasi eu, Picasso
Ti-am dat beep si sunt voinic
Dar sã stii, nu-ti cer nimic.

Repeat 3, 1 and 3
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And then i found this website that contains the collections of other copycats!Enjoy~

:: i am who i am ::

2005-11-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

I got this link from Mokie's blog...hmm...
sums it all...believe what you want to believe for I am who I am.

Your Birthdate: April 6!!!!

You tend to be a the rock in relationships - people depend on you.
Thoughtful and caring, you often put others needs first.
You aren't content to help those you know... you want to give to the world.
An idealist, you strive for positive change and dream about how much better things could be.

Your strength: Your intuition

Your weakness: You put yourself last

Your power color: Rose

Your power symbol: Cloud

Your power month: June -> LEO? Any Leos??? :p

:: johnnie walker ::

2005-11-19T13:52:00.000+08:00

Johnnie i am not... a walker i am on 15th nov.
Have been hoping, wanting, yearning and waiting to go to the newly built attraction in MacRitchie Reservoir...And have been bugging (& i REALLY mean BUG!) him to go since god-knows-when. Finally, on the fateful day of 15th Nov (yes & it gotta be one day before my first of work.... what the ~~fuck~~ hell!), he decided to "ok, today i feel like going...let's go!"

With such great anticipation & enthusiasm, we began to check out the map. ~~Bloody Hell~~ !!! Its a freaking 4km (from where we parked) walk in the nature to the tree top and 4km back!!! A total of about 8km!? And the tree top walk is only 250m!!!!! Haha~ but well, being ~~stubborn~~ Val, i decided to go ahead with it even though i'm not properly dressed & yes, RIGHT at 12PM on the dot! God knows why i wore a ~~fucking~~ slippers that day!

What greeted me at the start of the nature walk were my lovely monkeys!!! So Kawaii!!! i just have a thing with monkeys!!! too bad, didn't manage to take a picture with them. And so....we walk and walk and walk.... Bloody hell....4km! no wonder my toes got blisters and was bleeding!!!
My painful & fatigue legs manage to bring me to the tree top ultimately. So glad they didn't break and run away! It was AWESOME! Enjoyed the view...totally! BUT the thought of walking 4km back just ruin my mood!! i was so ~~fucking~~ hot and tired!!!!

What a way to start my first day of work the next day! And guess what!? The next day, my legs really hurt like mad and my blister on my toes were so painful and i still have to wear those DARN heels!! I just feel like shit!!!

::super duper::

2005-11-11T21:18:00.000+08:00

Had quite a long day yesterday...
Was having lunch at suntec and picked him up from there. We then proceed to Changi to sign the deed. Speaking of this, he was complaining that he had to miss that new condo opening in order to help me on this. Feeling guilty and yet angry at the same time. hahaha! Guilty that he had to miss the opportunity because of me....but angry coz he made me feel guilty!! hhahahaa~ of course, i had inform him of the event much earlier and he agreed to it, forgeting about the new opening. Oh well...!

And then i became a "driver", driving around to help him run some errands...Fetch my grandparents and father from the hospital...Not long after i got home, i went downHolland Village to meet one of my good old fren, Mr. Mok. We had a loooooooong chat and i almost vomitted blood, 10 times i suppose. Rake up some past events and some past people. kekekeke....Dug out even more juicy stuff!!!! Gossips aside, we shared with each other some of our values and perspectives on certain things...Though we may not totally agree with each other (that's where the debate & vomitting started), I must say, i learn quite a bit from him.
Oh...and while chatting for such a long time, we drank a bit...And i guess that's what causes my headache!!! Haven't drank for a while and that bit...just made me sick!! LOUSY POK!!!!!!!

Overall, it was a splendid dinner (thanks mok...for the treat! the Sausages are nice ya....*wink*)

Oh..that's not the end... Went over to a fren's place. They were watching a Jap animae halfway....My god!What the hell was that!!??!!? It was about some guys and girls in a school, and it seemed that there were some raping and molesting going on...And the animae showed in great detail!! the girls are naked and the way the guy fonder and caress the bodies...their expressions....were so explicit!!! OMG!!

yea...that was my day yesterday ~

:: The dark side ::

2005-11-09T13:11:00.000+08:00

It has been ages since i last saw myself in dark hair. Come to think of it...close to 5 years...or more? So anyway, i have to get the colour done sooner or later for the job.... so, eagerly and yet reluctantly, i crawled to orchard to look for my all-time hair-stylist.
crawling to orchard...

My hair stylist was surprised (and so do i) to know that i wanna colour my hair dark. Haha~
"okay, got it. Leave it to me." he said as usual. And so i left my precious strands in his hands confidently, knowing he won't ruin my darling.

After an hour, it was done. wow...i thought what i saw was pretty refreshing. I always thought dark hair look unfavourable on me, but somehow, i felt otherwise for now. For the past few years, i had done enough damages to my hair i guess... thinking back, i had it permed twice, bleach with all kinds of colour - ash, light brown, greenish yellow, etc..... Now i'm back to the basic...and it looked....okay. i hope. Thanks to my new job, i do not have to spend unneccessary money on the colouring anymore and my torn-and-worn-out strands can finally try to recover from the colour wars....

eeerr....let's just hope i won't be sick of the dark colour soon...As for now, i like what i'm seeing. Join the dark side, people. :p

::...::

2005-10-31T15:00:00.000+08:00

Yes, i have been enjoying the free time i have for a month now. It feels great but sure it didn't when i realised my savings has been depleting... *darn* So i'll be back to the workforce, contributing to the statistics again on 16th Nov. Another exciting part of my life...can't wait to start but yet can't bear to leave this freedom i'm having now. Contradictions....yet again.

Oh well...probably i should start to fight and declare war against the procrastinating monster.... GET GOING VAL!!!!